Judge, 1928-12-01 · page 28 of 36
Judge — December 1, 1928 — page 28: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains a **Dentyne chewing gum advertisement** featuring a woman's portrait and messaging about keeping teeth white and attractive through chewing gum. The main content is a **humorous character sketch** titled "Uncle Harvey's Cousin Abernathy"—a satirical portrait of an archetypal lazy American male. Cousin Abernathy is depicted as thoroughly indolent: he won't help himself, avoids work, sleeps excessively, and avoids earning a living even when offered employment. The sketch's humor relies on exaggerated descriptions of his laziness (sowing "wild oats on the sewing machine" because hand-sowing required effort) and Uncle Harvey's witty one-liners. The punchline involves a doctor declaring Abernathy "sex-ridden," prompting Uncle Harvey to quip he's actually "bed-ridden"—a wordplay joke about his constant sleeping. The satire mocks a recognizable social type: the unemployable, unmotivated layabout who drains family resources through sheer inertia.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Chew ° broods, and sometimes she just It’s the cheery smile that wins! And it’s teeth that make or mar the smile. Keep your teeth attractive —a flash of snowy white behind your smile. Chew delicious | disappeared and turned up in the Dentyne, the gum that keeps breath sweet, | three days, and the only way we teeth clean and pearly white. Unele Harvey had a hen once that he used to remark jokingly Uncle Harvey’s Cousin Abernathy about, “Sometimes she sets and laying too, and Uncle Harvey says he never saw anything Cousin Abernathy Whopp is more like than that hen, when it comes to setting and laying around the place. Cousin Abernathy is a nice enough fellow in his way, but he’s generally in’ everybody — else's way, too. He wouldn't turn a hand to help himself, not even if it had a cramp in it. The only time he'll help himself is at the dinner table. He wouldn't put out to earn his living even if somebody got him a bouncer's job, Why, he even sowed his wild oats on the sewing ma- chine—he was too lazy to sow them by hand! Uncle Harvey's favorite crack about Cousin Abernathy is that he can sleep longer “at a stretch” than any one in the county a matter of fact, it’s practic: possible to make any bed without making Cousin Abernathy too, tin it. Many’s the time he's folding bed. Once he was gone found him then was by his snor- ing—Unele Harvey says the fact that he was a “sound” sleeper saved him, Cousin Abernathy id he hadn't been uncomfort- able, though; that the only thing L_# for anything else! that bothered him was the mat- tress ticking—he thought it was an alarm clock going to go off and wake him up. Well, finally the family de- cided to have Cousin Abernathy psychoanalyzed, and the doctor said what ailed him was he was sex-ridden—thinking about sex | all the time.” And then was when Uncle Harvey pulled the wise one that ought to make him immortal on Broadway. He said Phooe he wouldn't say “‘sex- ridde he would call it “bed- ridden”; thinking about bed all the tim (No kidding, now, there’s a crack with a future. Think it over, public.) Cousin Abernathy, of fact, though, is fellow. He will letcher do any- thing, so long as it saves him work, Jagquita a matter comicbooks.com