Judge — March 9, 1929 — page 22: what you’re looking at

What you’re looking at

This is a humorous advice column by "Dr. Theophrastus Seuss" (the pen name of Dr. Seuss) offering absurd "solutions" to everyday problems through exaggerated illustrations. **The three problems satirized:** 1. **Bulging Shirt-Front**: Uses three canaries as living shirt studs—poking fun at fashion concerns and impracticality. 2. **The Germ Menace/Straphanger**: Mocks germaphobia by suggesting subway riders avoid touching contaminated surfaces until their beards grow long enough to serve as a "serviceable substitute" barrier—satirizing both excessive hygiene anxiety and absurd solutions. 3. **Eject a Cow From Your Apartment**: References the nursery rhyme "Hey Diddle Diddle" (the cow jumping over the moon), suggesting using that rhyme to trick a cow into jumping out the window—absurdist humor playing on literal interpretation of children's verses. The column's humor relies on taking mundane modern anxieties (hygiene, crowding, urban living) and proposing deliberately ridiculous solutions, typical of Judge magazine's satirical style.