Life — January 11, 1929 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

How often you hear the playful remark, “I'd like to give so-and-so a million dol- lars... just to see what he'd do with it.” You have probably said this yourself. The American People has a biological inclina-} tion to such ideas. Unquestionably the most sporting race that has ever cavorted upon this earth, your chief diversion is in ferreting out unusual forms of amusement. You cheer wildly in the grandstands while the gladiators of mirth thrill and titilate your souls with hairbrained spectacles. What would happen, asks the American Public, if a man, fantastically endowed with an irresponsible imagination, were suddenly to be presented with a million? The possibilities are endless! What hoaxes he could perpetrate; what farces; what de- bacles! With the world as his playground, how this man could fascinate the public, amuse the universe by becoming the American Prince of Wales, the Unscien- tific Roy Chapman Andrews, and the Twentieth Century Gulliver all rolled into one! Realizing how happy such a man| could make you all, I have determined to! present you with the long-awaited extraor- dinary psychological experiment of the ages. We must single out some man of parts, and laughingly present him with a million dollars. And then we will stand by and cheer him as he spends it! Brazenly, but still without a blush, I come forth after long deliberation to offer myself as the most logical specimen avail- able to receive this generous sum. Frankly, T want the million dollars. And instead of taking the whole million from just one of you, I have set upon a formula whereby the burden will rest but lightly upon the shoulders of many. 1000,000 An Appeal to the Sportsmanship of the American People By Qincy Qilg One Million Dollars? 900,000.00 +-800,000.00 700,000.00 —600,000.00 7-500,000.00 400,000.00 I--300,000.00 | 200,000.90 +100,000.00 757,000.40 fo) o—e In a nutshell, my plan is this: Are there one million jovial-minded people in this country who are sports enough to send me one dollar each? The tax is absurdly nominal. It costs you practically nothing, and in return for this I will devote my entire existence to making your own lives more vibrant and amusing. I can see you now, as you sit at the breakfast tables of the future: Father has taken possession of the morning paper, “Hurry, hurry, father. Don’t keep us waiting!” begs the trembling — mater familias. “Read us about this Qincy Qilg! What in the world is he doing today?” Pop-eyed with excitement, the father com. plies. : “Qincy Qilg,” he reads, “today launched himself into the most astounding scientific expedition of the era.....At this very moment he is speeding across the frozen wastes of Siberia on a bob-sled drawn by a hundred prancing daschshunds!” “An! there’s a man!” breathes the eldest son. “If only I'd thought of it, I could |have had that same million dollars my- self.” “You're not half romantic enough,” teases his younger sister. “You'd never in | the wide world have thought of sending Senator Heflin those three thousand kan- garoos for Christmas.” And at the banquet tables of tomorrow: “And what is Qilg’s latest coup de ridi- cule?” asks the Marchioness of Dubuque, turning to her host, the Bolivian Ambas sador. “Ah! I saw him only last night,” responds the host with a chuckle, “he was at the corner of Forty-second Street and | Broadway after theater hour, graciously | presenting each passerby with a vial of musical smelling salts! I shall never regret having subscribed to his fund. His (Continued on page 24) comicbooks.com