Life — January 25, 1929 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Life 23 No Time to Retire Wat I am old, I shall not sit And bask and nod before the fire. | shall not rest, no not a bit, There won't be any time for it Whatever may be my desire. I may be stiff, perhaps, and bent, I may be wrinkled, gnarled and wried, But my old age will not be spent In slippered ease or smug content, For I'll be too much occupied. When I am old, when I am gray, With deep lines carved upon my brow, I shall be toiling, night and day, Doing the things I often say That I am planning now. For constantly I vision new And splendid labors manifold That I'm determined to put through, But which I put off ‘tending to, And which T'll therefore have to do When I am old . Berton Braley. An impulsive motorist expresses his feelings to a more successful fellow motorist, a per- fect stranger, who has found a parking place. “T cau. my wife my ‘better half.” “Why?” “Because she’s always saying, ‘You bet- ter half that tire patched,’ and “You better half your tooth fixed,’ and ‘You better half this,’ and ‘You better half that’!” Sone or THE Arrican Suetk: Oh, won't you Pygmy for your boy-friend?—I Kaffir you in a big way! SO LONG—SEE YOU NEXT WEEK AMO, ¥$ *4000,000 Qilg’s Idea Sweeping the Country CEMEIY «(Ed. Note: Two weeks ago, Mr. }seac0000 Qincy Qilq, ’ wish- ing to do something || m00,000. magnificent for the 20 American Public, de- 7990909 cided to become a | S2000000 philanthropist. Hav- | [#0000200 ing no money to do }-300.000.00 this with, Mr. Qilq |, |-800,.00000 WH \ |W zoaee0c° has asked one mil- ||-$7,000.40 him a dollar cach. } i 348.67 Always apprecia- , carving a statute to the Goddess of Gen- foot block of strawberry jello. He promises to unveil this in the town that sends him lation. LaJolla, Cal., is now leading the race by the comfortable margin of ||| 100,000.00 lion people to send tive, Mr. Qilq is now Watch Us Grow! < erosity out of a ten- the most money in proportion to its popu- .000151°% over her nearest competitor.) Mr. Qilg Speaks for Himself So completely have I lost myself in the work on my jello goddess that I have not been to bed for more than thirteen nights. Occasionally I stretch out upon my studio floor, attempting to steal a wink or two, but the floor is so covered with jello chips that my breathing soon sets them into vibration. This makes me very dizzy and I awake, once more to tackle the difficult problem of the wings. The wings, as I wish to do them, should sprout long and with feathery doveness from the goddess’ fragile shoulderblades, but try as I will, I cannot get them to stick. Time and time again I have carved them successfully... but as soon as my Mr. Qilg at Work on His Statue back is turned, the jello shudders. The wings give way, slumping in a shapeless quivering mass upon the floor. Sometimes as many as twenty pair of wings slump off in a single day. But it is an ill wind that blows no good, I say to myself upon these occasions, and I promptly invite in a number of friends to a barbacue. Braised goddess wings creole aux champignons is the usual piece dg resistance, but when I am in a rush I sometimes simply chuck them into a pot as an Irish Stew. For dessert I serve what is left over with a slight dash of whipped cream, garnishing each with a few dainty sprigs of sliced banana. It was at one of these collegiate gather- ings that one of the girls invented the “Qincy Qilq Qocktail,” which has since become famous as the official campaign beverage. I am sorry now that I allowed this. If you examine the weekly contribu- tion list, you will find that not one of the bone-dry states has sent me a single dollar. And what is worse, the indignant citizenry of Kansas is putting up a clergy- man to run for millionaire against me on a prohibition platform. (Continued on page 30) comicbooks.com