The Young Duchess; or, Memoirs of a Lady of Quality — page 354: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

340 THE YOUNG DUCIIESS; diated and ignored from the very instant of its birth !” ‘“‘ Alas, poor babe!” murmured Miss Osborne, who was deeply touched by the narrative of her unfortunate friend. * And now, Azaline,” contined Lady Amesbury, “you will no longer be -surprised that there should have been something thoughtful and pen- sive in my looks when you first knew me, and that I did not seem as if I was completely happy. Good God! how could I be? Often and often used I to lie awake of nights, wondering whether the poor child were alive—and if so, whether it were well and kindly treated ?—and I used some- times to think that I should go mad! Then General Amesbury was introduced to me: but so completely was my mind abstracted from every- thing save the one dread topic—the one fatal in- cident of my life—that I did not observe how I had become the object of his particular attentions, until he one evening offered me his hand in mar- riage. I started as if from a dream: I gazed upon him in wonder and doubt. It was in the midst of a brilliant assemblage that the incident. took place Or rather I ought to say, it was in a conservatory to which he had drawn me apart from the gay company that were assembled. And then as I did not answer him, but gazed in such a strange way, he took my hand and conducted me into the principal drawing-room, where he led me to my mother’s side; and still in a half-dreamy state of bewilderment, methought that I heard some words issue from his lips to the effect that ‘silence had given consent.’ But not to weary you, my dear Azaline, with the details of this sad and strange history of mine, I may simply observe that General Amesbury had interpreted my doubt and consternation into a bashful confu- sion, and my silence into assent. When I under- stood it all, I was for dealing plainly and candidly with him ; but my mother entreated and implored that I would accept the offer which had been made ; and when I was still reluctant to practise a deceit upon an honourable and confiding man, I learnt for the first time that my father’s affairs were far from prosperous, and that more than I could possibly anticipate now depended upon my alliance with General Amesbury. And thus I yielded, Azaline—and we were married !” There was a pause, during which Lady Ames- bury kept her eyes bent down; she was evidently absorbed in deep and mournful meditation; and Outside Azaline did not venture to interrupt it. the casement Edward Walpole still stood, riveted to the spot—drinking in all the strange revealings and confessions to which accident had rendered him a listener—and so completely enthralled by the interest thereof that he no longer thought even for a single instant whether it were honour- able on his part to remain an eavesdropper there. ‘‘'When once the indissoluble knot was tied,” pursued Lady Amesbury, at length breaking silence once more, “I resolved to become the most faithful and devoted of wives. I felt that my husband had been deceived in me, and that it was therefore my duty to make every atonement and every recompense by the kindness and tender- ness of my conduct. And thus I so far did my duty; and heaven only knows how often I strove to appear contented with my lot—aye, and even happy and gay when remorse was gnawing at my happy victim of the grief itself. CR, MEMOIRS OF A LADY OF QUALITY. heart and the recollections of the past were tear- ing like vulture-claws at my brain. We went out to India, as you know, very soon after my mar- riage; and years passed away. At longth my husband died full of honours: and I lost not a moment after the funeral obsequies in returning to Iingland. One thought was uppermost in my mind !—one idea was dominant! I was now my own mistress; and what recked I even if the secret of my earlier years should transpire to the know- ledge of the world? I had no longer a husband to be horrified or shocked thereby! My parents also were dead; and I had nonear kindred whose feelings there was any necessity of consulting. Now therefore, Azaline, can you guess, I ask, what idea must have been uppermost in my mind —what project I was forming—what plan I was yearning to carry out? Ah! could I ever forget that I was a mother?—and for long years my heart had yearned towards my child—the poor ignored one—the cruelly repudiated and heart- Hessly, abandoned offspring of my first and only love!’ There was another pause—but not. one of silent meditation on Lady Amesbury’s part; it was now an interval of sobbing and weeping, for she was well-nigh overcome by her emotions as she ap- proached the climax of her sadly interesting nar- rative. . ‘“‘For heaven’s sake console yourself, my dear friend,” said Azaline, who was almost as much afflicted by the spectacle of this grief as the un- ‘You must not thus give way to sorrows which ought to be met by a Christian fortitude !” “Oh, speak not to me of Christian fortitude, Azaline!” cried Lady Amesbury, almost fiercely, and in a manner which was very different indeed - from her usual mildness, meekness, and melancholy amiability; ‘speak not to me of Christian forti- tude! You cannot possibly appreciate the pang which I suffered when on arriving in England I learnt that my poor child was no more! Yes— the daughter whom I should have clasped to my bosom—whom I should have covered with kisses —whom I should have taken from her abode amongst strangers, to find a home with her mother, —she was no more! I do believe, Azaline, that the effect of that intelligence was to cloud my brain: and Ged knows it would not have been astonishing if the affliction with which I was thus smitten had destroyed my intellects altogether !” ‘t Alas, my poor friend,” said Azaline, in her soft gentle voice, ‘‘ this is indeed asad tale which you have told me!” “O God! that my sufferings may soon cease, and that I may not exist much longer to endure a weight of mental woe which is fast becoming intolerable !”—and as the unfortunate lady thus spoke, she clasped her hands together and raised them towards the heaven where dwelt the divine power unto which she 80 agonizingly appealed. By that action on her part the sleeves of her dress fell back from the lower part of the arms ;) |’: and as the eye of Edward Walpole caught sight of three moles placed triangularly upon the right forearm, a cry escaped his lips—and . obedient only to the wild impulse which suddenly seized upon him, he dashed through, the casement, cleared his abrupt and rapid. way amidst the screen of verdure, and appearing in the pre- CONMNUCGWOOKS «GOIN