Ellen Percy; or, The Memoirs of an Actress — page 115: what you’re looking at

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102 ELLEN PERCY ; OR, THE MEMOIRS OF AN ACTRESS, which I experience towards you, for having sought me out in my solitude to assure me of your for- giveness for the past, and to propose that it shall all be buried in oblivion, so that we may be re- united at our home near Dover. Juliet! you have performed the part of a kind, affectionate and loving wife ; and henceforth shall you find me a tender and loving husband! I know, Juliet, that I do not deserve so much good- ness at your hands; for my conduct previous to our separation was most unkind towards you. However, you have shown yourself as an affec- tionate wife and a forgiving Christian; and such an example cannot fail to have a beneficial effect upon my own heart and disposition. And while I am expressing my deep gratitude to yourself, my dearest wife, for having thus come to assure me of your pardon, and to declare that all the past shall be buried in oblivion,—let me not forget to record my thankfulness likewise to your amiable and generous-hearted friend Miss Percy, who I have no doubt countenanced and strengthened you in the step which you are just taking, and has de- monstrated her approval thereof by accompanying you to this seclusion where I have buried my- self. “You may think it strange, my dearest Juliet, that I should pen this letter to be placed in your hands when in so short a time we are to meet again to part no more. But my motive can be speedily explained, and will doubtless be as readily understood. You have suggested that a complete veil should be thrown over the past, and that it should be no more alluded to—that enough was said upon the point when we ere now met in the road—and that when we presently meet again, it will be to celebrate a new era in our existence. All this was most delicate, generous, kind, and con- siderate on your part, dearest Juliet; but I feel that some little explanation is due unto you. Two months and upwards have elapsed since, after that quarrel in which I was so completely in the wrong, 1 withdrew from River House,—vyowing, like a wretch as I was, that everything was at an end between us, and that you should never hear of me any more! But what have I been doing during these two months and upwards? It is this that you have aright to know. First I went upon the Continent ; and at Boulogne accident threw me in the way of an Englishman named Humphreys, who was involved in some distresses which I was fortunately enabled to relieve. In consequence of information which I obtained from his lips in the course of conversation, I resolved to return to England: for I had thus learnt that there was a spot which would serve as the solitude and retire- ment that I sought. It was in this manner that I fixed my abode at Willowbridge. You know, my dearest Juliet, that for some time past I had been fond of experimentalizing in the chemical art; and here was an opportunity for me to give ampler range for the scientific taste that I had acquired, For I should tell you that the celebrated German Professor Steinbach—the author of several standard works on chemical analysis, and who was expelled on account of his political opinions from the chair of chemistry at the University of Gottingen—was for some while a resident within these same walls. Yes—and for the last six weeks I have been the successor of that philosophic recluse; I have Yes, dearest. worked at the same furnace—practised with the same alembics and retorts—profited by the sug- gestions of the same books—and travelled as a novice in the footsteps of the accomplished man of science who was here before me. These have been my pursuits, Juliet. I have remained almost com. pletely shut up in my laboratory since my arrival here, and have had little or no taste for recreation or exercise in the garden and pleasure-grounds. Those worthy old people, the Jansons, have be- haved most kindly to me from the moment that I came to Willowbridge and presented to them the letter of introduction which Mr. Humphreys gave me at Boulogne. “ For the last few days I have been making ex- periments on a very grand scale, but with a mate- rial that is somewhat dangerous to use,—though I can assure you that I have been very careful, I was in the midst of these experiments when you, my dearest Juliet, and your excellent friend, Miss Percy, arrived at the Manor. Yes—and I was thinking of you at the instant, Juliet! I thought that all the love you had borne for me had been but badly requited by my conduct. A nobler- hearted or more virtuous woman than yourself, Juliet, does not breathe! As there is a heaven above me, it was this very thought that was pass- ing in my mind at the moment when you and your friend Miss Percy were passing through the Manor House. Was not this a strange coincidence, that I should be thus thinking of you at the very mo- ment when you were beneath the roof?—that I was deploring my own past conduct at the instant when you arrived to proclaim its forgiveness? Oh, yes, Juliet! I hesitate not now to confess that I have behaved most vilely towards you, and that your conduct towards me has been of the noblest, the kindest, and the most affectionate description ! I do not pen these words lightly, nor in a moment of enthusiasm because you have come to tell me that I am forgiven and that we shall live together again: but it is a deliberate opinion that I gravely and solemnly record—and if death were at the mo- ment staring me in the face, I should ayow pre- cisely the same sentiments! *‘ Now that I have penned these lines, my dear Juliet, my heart feels relieved of aload. You will read the letter before we meet—you will compre- hend what my sentiments are—you will give me credit for all the remorse which I feel on account of my past conduct—and you will believe me when I assure you of my firm resolve to prove all that I ought to be towards you for the future. And thus, Juliet, as I have written all this, there will be no necessity to revive the subject by word of mouth; —and hence the relief that I experience in having committed my sentiments to paper. In another hour we shall meet, according to our arrangement ; we shall meet, as if unavoidable circumstances only had separated us, and not the wilfulness of my oWn perverse headstrong disposition! We shall meet as manand wife who throw themselves into each other’s arms after an interval of separation! Yes—for us, my beloved Juliet, it must be the era of a new existence! Therefore we will celebrate it. I have asked the Jansons to make all the preparations in their power for a little banquet: we will meet at the board—you, I, and Miss Percy—as if to cele- brate some joyous occasion!—as if we were to be married over again and this were our wedding Gomichboo (Eo)