Ellen Percy; or, The Memoirs of an Actress — page 173: what you’re looking at

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eee 160 rienced at the time a species of stern satisfaction at the thought that I could thus exercise so much control over myself, Then more than ever was I convinced that at no time had I entertained the slightest scintillation of genuine love for Edwin St. Clair ; for from the box in which I was seated by your side, Ellen, I could look upon him with the coldness of an implacable hatred, — that hatred which needed not to excite itself, because it could bide its time in the fierce stern hope that sooner or later its craving would be appeased and it would be enabled to gloat over a vengeance terri- fically wreaked !” “ But this evening, Mary,” I said—“ this even- ing, when I entered the box and beheld you leaning back in your seat — your countenance pale as marble—your limbs rigid—your eyes glaring un- naturally 7 “T have already told you, Ellen,” interrupted Mary Glentworth, “ that I had discerned St. Clair seated by the side of the beautiful Lady Lilla Essendine. I must frankly confess that at the moment an unaccountable feeling of jealousy sprang up in my heart. All the hatred which had previously been concentrated against Hdwin St. Clair, seemed to take Lilla Essendine within its ominous scope. I thought to myself that if he were paying his addresses to her, it would be with ——— a ELLEN PERCY; OR, THE MEMOIRS OF AN ACTRESS. —It was thus that my thoughts flowed as I re- garded Lady Lilla Essendine; and I included her in the hatred which I experienced for St. Clair.” “Tt was a strangely morbid state of mind, Mary,” I observed; “for whatever Lady Lilla Essendine may be towards others and ob- serve! I am passing no opinion upon her!—— she at all events has done nothing to injure you.” *“T know it, Ellen. moods,” continued Mary, “in which passions and prejudices blind the soul against all reason and justice,—causing the hatred which should attach itself only to one, to be reflected on another,— filling the mind with false ideas, and making the mental vision view every object through a still falser medium.” “ Yes—it is so,” I observed. “And now, .my poor Mary, that you have unbosomed all your secrets to me, let me entreat that you will retire to rest. You know that in every sense you have in me something more than a friend—you have one who loves you as if you were a sister! You de- mand vengeance on the man who has so cruelly wronged you; and [I cannot fly in the face of human nature itself by telling you not to seek for such vengeance. No!—were I in your position, I also should yearn to be avenged! Therefore, a really honourable intention, and that he would | Mary, it is even possible that as your friend—as make her his bride, because she was a lady by | your pledged sister—I may assist you in your ven- social position and by title, and it might be for him a brilliant alliance. Therefore rage took possession of my heart at the thought that as I was an actress, it was for this reason I had been made a dupe and a victim; whereas if I had been a titled lady, St. Clair’s suit would have been honourably in- tended !” “ My dear Mary,” I said, “ do not rely too much upon the notions and opinions you may form in reference to Edwin St. Clair. He is swayed by no considerations of decency or propriety whatso- ever, in any details of his conduct. He no more sacrificed you simply because you were an actress, than he would marry Lilla Essendine or any other patrician lady merely on account of the possession of a title. But you speak of the jealous rage which seized upon you this evening 4 “Tam not quite sure, Ellen,” said Mary, “ that I have properly explained my sentiments. Of Lady Lilla Hssendine I could not exactly be jealous—inasmuch as if Edwin St. Clair had risen straight from her side to offer me his hand and beseech that I would accompany him to the altar, I should have rejected the proposal with loathing and abhorrence. Therefore I could not look upon Lady Lilla Essendine as a rival who was receiving certain attentions which were coveted by myself: for none such did I covet! But as I looked at Lady Lilla Essendine, my thoughts seemed to apostrophise her with great bitterness, as if I were thus speaking:—‘ Ah! because you are a lady of rank and title, he would not dare to per- petrate an outrage against you. No!—whatsoever word he may breathe in your ear, will be truthful in the sense which it conveys; and if he whisper the language of love, it will not be intenced as a snare! Thus, you, proud lady, have immunities and privileges which are denied to the actress, who in his eyes exists but as a being to bo made the toy of his pleasure and serve his fantasy!’ ee er Le —— ae i geance—I may perhaps find the means or indicate the way >! “Oh do this, Ellen,” ejaculated Mary Glent- worth, “and you know not how illimitable wil! be my gratitude! But understand me well, Ellen! What I mean by the word vengeance is something that I may do to that man without having the _ blow redound upon myself. I do not wish this blow to be twofold—to strike him and to strike me at the same time. I will not render myself a mar- tyr to my own vengeance. These are my ideas. If they were otherwise, I need not have waited for the opportunity to wreak a vengeance: I need not be still waiting, and prepared to wait for weeks and months—perhaps even for years, before my aim can be accomplished. No!—because I might have lain wait for him with a loaded pistol in my hand; and I might have taken his life. Ah! but I should have thereby sacrificed my own life—I should have given it up to the law, the gibbet, and the executioner! This would have been sorry vengeance. The vengeance I crave, dear Ellen, is that which can be inflicted without injuring a hair of my own head » * And if is such a vengeance as this, Mary, that you shall wreak,” I answered. “Trust to me, my dear friend! The career of that man’s infamy has already lasted too long!—it must draw to a close! And now good night, Mary—and remem- ber that in me you have a friend and a sister !” We embraced each other tenderly. All that reserve, and even cold diffidence, which for some little time past had characterized Mary Glent- worth’s bearing towards me, now disappeared :— there was no secret which she kept from me, and consequently there was no barrier betwixt the sympathies of our souls. She was once more the affectionate, confiding, frank-hearted Mary Glent- worth towards me:—but Oh! how different was the position of the poor girl from what it used CORNICLOOOL< C But there are certain | a re bi ee i EE a ee ee Ee SS ee ee (EO)