José — page 257: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

250 JOSE. remember—just such a design as every son in the family bore, as also a long-lost child that disap- peared about the time father, who subsequently died in Germany, undertook his first visit to Amer- ica. All this may sound incredible and yet it is only the plain truth—I had found my brothers and their children—but now I also realized that 1 had desecrated my mother’s grave. “TI recovered,” he continued, with a deep breath, “and had a home and relatives. One of my brothers’ sons returned from California, with gold and the identical young woman who, in man’s attire now terms herself Jose, but whose right name is Pepita. The mortgaged farm was released, and I had need no longer of care. But the thought of what I had done and been in the past ever haunted me like aspecter. I realized that I was not good enough to associate with those harmless, righteous people, and I firmly believed that some day I should unexpectedly be punished for hoping to reap good where I had sown evil. One of my most fierce men- tal conflicts was the night wherein I determined to bury my past life, to plunge into the wilderness where man is judged for what he is and where no one is asked what he has been, and to become of service where yet so much was left undone. Among the Indians on the plains, amid dangers and pri- vations, I thought I should find peace and happi- ness again—but while life endures oblivion is im- possible.” He sighed and paused. “TI proceeded to the Kickapoo Indians on the border of Missouri,” he at last continued; “TI had solemnly pledged myself to serve wherever an Op- portunity offered, but it was hard work to reason EoOmichbooks (E(0) m