Joseph Wilmot, or, The Memoirs of a Man-Servant — page 185: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

172 JOSEPH WILMOT; OR, THE not like that spectacle of Richard Franklin and Lady Calanthe sitting so close together, and with a certain degree of intimacy established between them. And I asked myself wherefore I should be annoyed? Did I love Calanthe? Oh, no! all my heart was devoted to Annabel. But why, then, was I jealous ?—for jealousy it assuredly was. Ought I not, on the contrary, to be pleased with the prospect of Lady Calanthe’s marrying a young gentleman who would give her a home and position instead of that home and that position which she had lost? Ah! it was all very fine to reason in this manner: but I could not bring myself to like Richard Franklin—nor to look pleasantly on his visits: while at the same time I thought that Ca- lanthe could not have loved me so very much after all, if she were able thus soon to transfer her affections to another. In short, I went to bed in a strange state of excitement, vowing that I loved Annabel as much as ever, and yet wishing that Lady Calanthe had neyer known Richard Franklin. On the following morning, when I descended from my chamber, I resolyed by the amiability of my conduct, to make as much amends as possible for the rudeness with which I had treated my fellow-servants on the previous evening. They were naturally good-natured, and bore me no rancour: besides, I was a favourite with them; and they willingly accepted my altered demeanour as an atonement for the uncouth abruptness of which I was so heartily ashamed. JBut still I had not succeeded in bringing myself to regard with indifference the visits of Richard Franklin to the house; and the conversation which I had heard pass on the subject between my fellow-domestics, haunted me like a troubled vision. I longed to get out into the fresh air, and give unrestrained flow to my thoughts, without the chance of be- traying them to observers by my countenance. I was therefore very glad when, on answering the summons of the parlour-bell, I was directed by Mrs. Robinson to goto Ryde and give some orders to the tradesmen with whom she dealt. As I pro- ceeded to the town, I endeavoured to analyze my feelings completely. I asked myself if I still loved Annabel as much as ever? and I exclaimed aloud, “Yes, yes! how could it be possibly otherwise ?” —yet at the same time I thought of Calanthe’s handsome countenance—her beautiful figure—the music of her voice—and her elegant manners. * But,’ I said to myself, “‘ Annabel is more lovely—more charming than Calanthe. Ah! it is doubtless because I have vowed a brotherly friend- ship for Calanthe, that I am vexed she should think of forming an alliance without consulting me. Yet what claim have I upon her confidence? I may be nothing more to her—and assuredly she ought to be nothing to me. No: let her marry Richard Franklin—the sooner the better! for then my peace of mind will doubtless be restored. An- nabel—sweetest Annabel! never, never will I prove treacherous to you! It is impossible! your image must always be uppermost in my mind: to you is my heart’s devotion given !” And yet, at the very instant that I was thus mentally apostrophizing the ethereal image of the beauteous Annabel, I felt a pang of jealousy on account of Calanthe and Richard Franklin. Angry with myself, I quickened my pace, as if to escape from the conflicting nature of my thoughts—and MEMOIRS OF A MAN-SERVANT. gained the town as speedily as possible. Having discharged the commissions entrusted to me, I was returning homeward,—when at the corner of a street, whom should I behold, walking arm- in-arm, but Richard Franklin and Lady Calanthe ? If any doubt had previously remained in my mind as to the jealous nature of the feeling that I en- tertained on their account, it was now completely cleared up. Yes—I was jealous: a pang shot through my heart—a sickness seized upon me, as I beheld Lady Calanthe hanging to that young man’s arm. I followed mechanically: it seemed to me as if she had no right to be on terms of intimacy with any one but myself. A dozen pro- jects swept through my mind. I would hasten my steps, pass them by, and look pointedly at her. But no! this would be the height of rudeness and impertinence on the part of a menial who ought only to touch his hat respectfully to them both. Then I would follow them whithersover they went —see how long they remained together—watch their looks—and ascertain, as well as I could, whether their discourse was of a tender nature. But if they suddenly turned and perceived me, I should feel remarkably little, mean, and foolish ; and therefore this project would not do. No: but I would seek an opportunity of demanding expla- nations of Calanthe. Explanations indeed !—what right had I to seek for any ? and would she not be justified in treating me with the haughtiest indig- nation? Nothing that I thought of, could I carry into effect. I was strangely excited—cruelly be- wildered. But all of a sudden Franklin and Calanthe stopped short: they shook hands—he took off his hat to make a parting bow—and as she entered a mercer’s shop, he departed in another direction. I was not thirty yards distant from where this took place: and it struck me that Calanthe, glancing aside ere she entered the shop, caught sight of me. Would she think that I had been watching them ? I hoped not: I did not wish to seem so little in her eyes. Hastily turning back, so as not to pass the shop, I plunged into a diverging street; and by making a short circuit, gained the road leading to the villa. Jor a few minutes I walked along without looking behind me,—struggling against the painfully jealous feelings which had been ex- cited in my soul—endeavouring to force myself into a more generous and magnanimous train of thought—and likewise striving to fix my medita- tions completely on the image of Annabel. I was in a strange state of mind. If anybody had sud- denly come to tell me that Annabel was adout to bestow her hand upon another, I should have turned frantic: but, by a monstrous idiosyncracy, I could not bear the idea that Calanthe should bestow her own affection upon another! Did I love them both? I said to myself that this was impossible. Yet wherefore, if I loved Annabel only, was I jealous of Richard Franklin’s atten- tions to Calanthe? I could not tell. All in a moment the intuitive conviction seemed to spring up in my mind that Calanthe was behind me. I looked back: and sure enough, she was advancing at but a short distance. I could not help stopping till she overtook me: it would have been the height of rudeness and churlishness to have avoided her. I gazed upon her countenance, which appeared to wear a certain degree of CORNICE LO@ S (CO) AA