Joseph Wilmot, or, The Memoirs of a Man-Servant — page 189: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

on — ee sits ¥ oe Din tneate a scn a ———" _— mr" 176 JOSEP WILMOT; ——— I scourged my soul with keenest self-upbraidings. By this very process I grew calmer in my mind: I became comforted: I felt that I was making as much atonement as possible for the error into which I had been beguiled, and the perfidy of which I had been guilty towards Annabel. I contrasted the character of Calanthe with that of the sweet creature to whose image I once again turned as to that of my guardian-angel: and the result was tranccendently in favour of the latter. I wondered how I could have fallen—wondered how I had ever succumbed to the spells which had been wrought upon me. But by degrees I began to comprehend that I had really never ceased to love Annabel, even while basking in the sunshine of Calanthe’s bright eyes and receiving her caresses. I learnt to dis- tinguish the immensity of that difference which exists between a passion and a sentiment,—the former arising from the grossness and frailty of our mortal natures—the latter being comprised of the sublimest essences of thought and feeling which were permitted to remain in the breast of man after his expulsion from the Garden of Eden. I “now saw how it was that, while being devoted to Annabel, I had nevertheless been jealous of Ca- lanthe, and had succumbed to the influence of that mad love which she experienced forme. I saw that a passion may be excited for even the un- worthiest object: though, heaven knows, I do not mean this phrase to apply to Calanthe—for she pos- sessed many admirable traits, much noble gene- rosity of disposition: but love with her became a ruling idea—an intatuation—a frenzy. What I meant to express, was that a passion may be in- spired by any female possessed of brilliant or win- ning charms which constitute the influencing power: but a sentiment can only be inspired by the purest and chastest of women—such an one as Annabel ! Although this great change was taking place within me, and the madness of passion was yield- ing to the better feelings of repentance,—though my heart, having passed through such an ordeal, was now cleansing itself of all the impurities which had adhered to it in its progress,—I did not immediately give Calanthe any reason to per- ceive that I was altered towards her. I should have considered it a downright baseness, and an act of brutal cowardice to inflict wanton injury upon one whose only fault was loving me too tenderly and: too well. Thus, though I exchanged glances with her as heretofore, whenever we met and were unobserved,—yet did I begin seriously to deliberate how I should free myself from the sphere of her influence—how, in short, I could bring about a separation. My mind, ‘after re- volving many plans, settled upon one which seemed the most eligible for adoption: I determined upon doing something to get myself discharged from my present situation,—trusting to the policy to be thereafter carried out, to prevent, Calanthe from following to whatsoever spot circumstances might lead me. But still I did not choose to do anything which should be actually damaging to my cha- racter; and it was rather difficult to provoke Mrs. Robinson’s resentment by a trivial fault : for she was too languid in her nature to arouse herself to anger very easily. Indeed, she detested trouble so much as to pass over many a little in- cident on the part of the servants which the OR, THE MEMOIRS OF A MAN-SERVANT. generality of masters and mistresses would have made the groundwork for a loud disturbance and wrathful scolding. I was therefore much per- plexed how to carry out my scheme,—when a cir- cumstance took place which relieved me from ray embarrassment, and effected in a summary manner that separation which I was now so anxious to bring about. One day Calanthe went into the town in order to make some purchases—for she did all Mrs. Robinson’s shopping: but she did not return so soon as on such occasions she was wont. Hour after hour went by,—till at length Mrs. Robinson rang the drawing-room bell to inquire if Miss Palmer had come back? A response was given in the negative: and she grew somewhat uneasy. It was about eleven o’clock in the forenoon when Calanthe had set out: it was now four in the afternoon—and she had not returned. Presently there was a ring at the front-door: and a person, having the appearance of an hotel-waiter, said to me in a low hurried manner, “ Are you Joseph Wilmot ?” “TI am,” was my response: and I was smitten with a sudden fear that there was something wrong. “You must come up to the Hotel as soon as you can,” said the man, in the same hurried manner as before: then, having thrust a little billet into my hand, he hastened away. My first impulse was to speed after him, and put some questions: but I instantaneously re- flected that the note which I held in my hand would probably give me all requisite explanations; and I at once sought an opportunity of reading it. The contents ran as follow :— ‘ ‘© Dearest Joseph, ‘* My father and one of my brothers have me in their power, They have compelled me to confess all—except that which I dared not confess !—and I conjure you to save my honour. ButI know youwill! You are inca pable of yielding to threats and intimidation, to make an avowal that would ruin me for ever. Itis only by pretending a sudden indisposition and retiring to a chamber, that I am enabled to pen these few rapid lines, —which a kind-hearted maid has promised to give to the waiter who is about to be sent off to fetch you. Mrs. Robinson is to know nothing! ‘‘ Your afflicted, but ever loving, * CALANTHE,” The style of penmanship but too well convinced me how great was the dreadful excitement endured by the unfortunate young lady. I myself was at first almost overwhelmed by the occurrence: but I speedily reflected that it might all be for the best —that the separation I had been studying to bring about, would now be effeeted—and that Calanthe would in all probability be restored to her home. As for confessing that which would indeed proclaim her frailty, I was incapable of doing so: I was even prepared to tell any falsehood, and with a most brazen effrontery too, rather than ruinously compromise one whose only fault was that she had loved me too tenderly and made such sacrifices on my account. I was just thinking of leaving the house on some excuse,—when the drawing-room bell again rang; and I hastened to obey the summons. “ Joseph,” said Mrs. Robinson, “I am getting very uneasy indeed about Miss Palmer. It is now close upon half-past four o’clock ; and she has been JOO SS (C©) | 1 | { AA