The Mysteries of the Court of London — page 211: what you’re looking at

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wi “ Yet, verily, for *he stomach’s sake must we do this,” continued Mr. Gneakey. filling a glass with Madeira. “Yea, even so,” added Mt. Ichabod Paxwax, pour- ing himself out a bumper of Port. “ Your names, gentlemen,” said Meagles, “ we know already. But you are not yet acquainted with my fair companion, whose fancy it is on occasions to wear a riding-dress, Allow me to introduce you to Lady Letitia Lade, wife of Sir John Lade, one of the richest baronets in England.” The announcement of the Amasgon’s rank and wealthy alliance produced a sudden and startling effect upon the two pious gentlemen. They each made a terrible grimace and looked awfully confused as the coarse allusions in which they had indulged flashed to their minds; and then they exchanged glances which said, as eloquently as ever eyes yet spoke—* Brother Sneaksby, what a fool you made of yourself !”—*“ Brother Paxwax, what an ass you are!” Thus is it ever with religious hypocrites. They will heap their cowardly abuse and aim their malig- nant shafts at a plain Mrs Smith ora simple Mra, Jones whom they behold or suspect to be in an equi- vocal situation: but let the offending woman prove to be a lady of title and fortune, and the canting hambugs close their eyes at once to all her faults. “Make yeurselves comfortable, gentlemen,” the Amazon observed, after enjoying their confusion for nearly a minute, during which they fidgetted upon their chairs, exchanged glances ludicrously doleful, and threw furtive looks upon the lady whom they feayed to have mortally offended. “I am not at all vexed at the little remarks which you thought fit to make: I am sure you were only acting conscien- fiously. Come, I will drink success to Salem !” “Success to Salem!” ejaculated Meagles, filling his glass, “Of a surety I see no harm in drinking a pious toast,” observed Mr. Sneaksby, to whom Mr. Pax- wax had cast a look of anxious inquiry. “ Be it so,” murmured the latter gentleman; and the glasses were all drained in a moment. “I now propose the health of our respected and esteemed friend, the Rev. Nathaniel Sneaksby,” said Meagles ; “and in order to do justice to the same, I further propose that we drink it in tumblers and not in paltry wine glasses.” “I cordially agree,” said the Amazon. “Amen,” murmured Mr. Ichabod Paxwax, having received a sign of approval from his sgiritus! chief: whereupon he filled a tumbler to the brim with the fruity old Port Meaglies, the Amazon, and Mr. Paxwax, then im- bibed their deep draughts tothe honour of Mr, Sneaks- by, who sate bolt upright in his chair endeavouring to acrew his countenance into a complacent smile. When the ceremony was over, the reverend gentle- man filled hie tumbler almost to overflowing ; and rising in a slow and solemn manner, he delivered the following address with that peculiar nasal twang and chaunting tone which had become habitual to him :— “ Christian friends, my heart boundeth like a young roe on the hill-tops at the honour ye have done me. For, alas! I am not ignorant of my own unworthiness, and how sinful a vessel I am. But, obedient to that cal] which so mysteriously prompted me to found the sect of New Lights, each member paying threepence a week to the General Fund, a 2ZUE MYVOUssi vs. penny a week for Salem, and as much more as he chooses to give,—obedient to that call, I say, I have come before the world as the originator of a system which is calculated to reconcile all conflicting opi- nions by proclaiming unceasing hostility to those who refuse to join us. For we are a sect militant, and can tolerate no doctrines or sentiments save the ones which we profess. On this broad basis is our insti- tution established; and most savoury and soul-re- freshing is the conaciousness of aiding in so good a work. Alas! long was I a miserable, miserable sinner! For years was I a wicked linen-draper, having no thought bat to make gains largely and expend them freely. My table groaned beneath the weight of luxuries—I was clothed in purple and fine linen, and fared sumptuously every day. Never did my footsteps cross the threshold of church, chapel, or place of worship; and my vices, de- baucheries, and immoralities were numerous as the hairs on my head. But,salas! vengeance came in the shape of one of those unclean swine whom men call sheriff's-officers; and my goods were all swept away—yea, vessels of gold and vessels of silver, and all the flesh-pots wherein I did vainly rejoice, were borne off to the auction-rooms and vended to the ungodly. Then for many weary months I sate me down in a debtors’ gaol; and no friends came to see me in the gate. Naked and in want, I was turned forth upon the wide world ; and, not having a human being to extend a helping hand towards me nor a morsel to put between my lips, [ reflected in the bitterness of my spirit on the course which I ought to pursue. Then wae it that a light dawned in upon my soul—I saw the error of my ways—I obeyed the call which at that moment I received—I set up my staff in an open place and addressed the multitud>— and on that day the sect of New Lights sprang inte existence. Such, dear Christian friends, is the out- line of my career. My beloved brother in the good work, the esteemed and revered Ichabod Paxwax, who sitteth amongst us even now, was one of my earliest adherents, His life hath been chequered likewise: but our eyes are open to the vanities of this world, and we are faithfully performing the mission for which we were destined and to perfect us for which we were so sorely chastened. Oh! my Christian brother Meagles—oh! my Christian sister Letitia ; ird up yeur loins—repent —heap ashes upon your head—clothe yourselves in sack-cloth—put gold and silver into your pockets and come to Salem—and ye shall be numberea amongst us—yea, even amongst the elect!’ As Mr. Nathaniel Sneaksby uttered these last words, with awful contortions of the countenance, rolling of the eyes, and upraising of the arms, Mr, Ichabod Paxwax thought it only decent and becom- ing on his part to get up a little bye-play in the form of a gentle whimpering ;—while Tim Meagles and the Amazon experienced the utmost difficulty to re- strain themselves from bursting into violent peals of laughter. The reverend gentleman, having brought his dis- course to a conclusion, drained his tumbler and sate down, evidently well satisfied with the eloquenes he had displayed and the impression he fancied that he had made. “In the name of her ladyship and on my own account,” observed Meagles, assuming a very solomn demeanour, “I can only say that we shall i visit Salem next Sunday, and that we shall con- COMME MOO SS co