The Mysteries of the Court of London — page 97: what you’re looking at

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would be irremediably ruined. I therefore feigned unconsciousness; and the terrible energy which inspired my soul, enabled me to play my part without exciting a suspicion ip the breagt of either Octavian or Christina. And then I received the most unmistakeable evidences of Christina’s affec- tionate and devoted friendship, as well as of the deep compassionating regard which my husband entertained for me. A dangerous illness followed : for many days I was insensible: there was indeed no dissimulation thera! And all that while Chris- tins attended upon me as if she wero my sister : ehe would not quit my chamber; and from the pbysician’s lips did I subsequently receive the as- gurance that to the awiable and devoted Christina I owed my life.. So soon as I approsched conva- leacence, Christina intimated her intention to leave me. Full well did I comprehend the gene- rous and noble-hearted girl’s motive in adopting this course. I saw that her heart had not re- mained insensible to the personal appearance, the elegant manners, and captivating address of my husband Octavian—but that her own innate sense of propriety, as well as her friendship for me, had thus determined her jn quitting a home which under other circumstances would haye been such @ happy one!” Hero Zoe paused for a few moments, and effec- tually struggled to keep back the tears which had flowed up almost to the brims of her eyes from the very fountains of her heart. She then continued in the following manner :— “Some weeks passed after Christina left me; and I began to think that we ought not to remain altogether asunder: for J loved her as a sister— and I knew that she loved me with an equal depth of affection. Besides, she had saved my life; and T was incapable of ingratitude. IJ was also anxious to prevent her from suspecting that I had com- prehended the motives which had induced her to leave me: for J had struggled hard at the time to veil what was passing in my own bosom. I re- solved to sce her; and taking advantage of an opportunity when I fancied that Lord Octavian would be absent on a visit to his father, I wrote to Christina, requesting her to come to me. She did so; and I saw how deeply she was affected on per- ceiving that my health was far from being restored. Something occurred to take Octavian’s father sud- denly and unexpectedly out of town: he could not therefore pay the intended visit—and he returned home. He found Christina there. As plainly as you, Clarine, can read the print of a book, could I read all that passed in the minds of Octavian and Christina—and how especially painful the ordeal was for that amiable and excellent girl. Heaven knows, too, it was painful enough for me !—and often and often have I since wondered how I had tho presence of mind sufficient to go through it, and how I could maintain the fortitude of a calm composure. JI saw that Christina would give worlds for an excuse to depart—but that she dared not devise such a pretext for fear lest it should excite a suspicion in my own mind. On the other , hand, with an equal yearning, did I long to afford her that pretext: but on my own side I dared not, for fear lest both herself and Octavian should per. ceive that I had fathomed the secret of their souls. | At length the moment came for Christina to take ! her departure; and I did not ask her to return. THES MYSTERIES OF THE COURT. No—I was deeply, deeply annoyed with myself for having invited her thither on that occasion,—an occasion go replete with painful sensations for us ally } Zoe again paused—but only for a fow moments; end then she resumed her affecting narrative in the ensuing terms :— | “ Several weeks again passed away, during which J had to sustain an incessant conflict with my own feelings. I could not help studying every look, word, and ection on Octavian’s part, in order to judge of the depth of his passion for Christina. [ saw that he was most cruelly balanced between @ sense of his duty towards myself and his love for Christina. [ knew that he regarded me with @ compassionate friendship, and that he strove hard to invoke the sentiment of gratitude to his aid: for it was through me that he had become enriched. At length I could endure that painful state of things no longer. Some women would have made it @ subject of reproach to a husband that he dared to love another: but I was at least spared that in- justice and that folly; for my common sense told me that Octavian had no power over his volition, and that he could not control the susceptibilities of his heart. Other women would have abandoned themeelves to @ frantic outburst of grief, and would have implored their husbands to give them back the Jove to which they had a right. But again did my good sense intervene to save me from that folly ; for I knew—alas, too well!—that where true love never existed, it could not be conceded to even the most tearful and imploring entreaties. Some women, too, might have given way to up- braidings and reproaches: but I was incapable of such foul injustice. I knew it was not Octavian’s fault that he had Jearnt to love Christina:—aes well might it have been made a reproach to me that I had loved Octavian} No—none of those resources would I bend to! It was my con- tinuous study to avoid enhancing the psinfulness of my husband's feelings, or to suffer him to per- ceive that I fathomed and comprehended them all, But what was I todo? To lead such an existence was impossible: it was killing myself by inches— it was suffering Octavian to perish also by slow suicidal degrees. We were converting our own hearts into instruments of self-destruction: our feelings were becoming a slow poison for each. And then too I was continuously haunted by the conviction that Octavian was straining every nerve to keep the veil drawn down darkly over his own thoughts, and to lull me into the belief that he loved me. On the other hand I dared not reject his caresses, nor look cold upon his assiduities, for fear lest he should perceive that I knew how forced, how unnatural, and how strained they all were |” “It was indeed,” ssid Clarins, in a soft sympe- thising voice, “a fearful existence to lead.” ° “You cannot wonder therefore, my dear friend,” resumed Zoe, “that I at length made up my mind to leave England. The state of my health did, alas! afford too ready a pretext; and the pby- sicians agreed that my only chance of eventual re- covery was by removal to a southern clime. On the eve of my intended departure I sent for Chris- tina that I might bid her farewell. Sho came; and unmistakeable were the proofs of friendship— nay, more, of sisterly love, which the amiable girl a aaa a CONIC OOO <S