The Mysteries of the Court of London — page 299: what you’re looking at

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ee miiinnmmmeeaeememmemnemaeneerteeertrrinieieenil THE MYSTERIES. comical up-and-down motion from his seat to the front of tbe platform. His presence nevertheless elicited immense applause, which he acknowledged with sundry low bows addressed to all quarters of the assembly. The Report set forth that during the year ending on that day the Society had enjoyed an increased amount of divine grace, the income being 8002. more than that of the previous year. (Cheers.) During the last twelve months the receipts had amounted to 7,5671. 3s. 24d.; and the expenditure to7,5671. 3. 2d. Balance in the Treasurer's hand, one halfpenny. (Cheers.) The salaries of Directors, Managers, Secretary, Auditors, Treasurer, and Clerk, amounted to 6,0002.: Rent of Offices, Stationery, and Extras, 5001.; Law Expenses, 6001. There then remained the handsome sum of 5672. 8s. 2d. to expend in the distribution of Tracts; and he (Mr. Gotobed Tump- kins) could congratulate the members of the Society upon having a balance in hand. It was true that this balance was not considerable—indeed it was only one halfpenny ; still it was a balance—and he would defy their enemies to accuse them of being in debt. (Loud cheers.) When the applause had subsided, a stout conse- quential-looking little man rose up in the midst of the assembly, and desired to know how law expenses to the amount of 500%. had been incurred. Mr. Sneaksby, as chairman, desired him not to interrupt the proceedings; but the little gentleman grew ex- cited, and insisted on having an answer—alleging that he was a subscriber of 52. a-year to the Society and hed a right to know how the money was ex- pen The Secretary, Mr. Gotobed Tumpkins, thereupon explained that an action had been brought against that holy and pious vessel, the Rev. Mr. Nathaniel Sneaksby, for the seduction of a small tradesman’s wife; that the Committee of the Society, well con- | thirty vinced of their excellent pastor’s innocence, made the cause their own and employed the Society’s so- licitor to manage the defence; that, when the case was tried, the Judge and Jury were evidently leagued together to oppress the guiltless Mr. Sneaksby; that @ verdict was accordingly given against him; and that the Society had to pay the damages and costs in erder to save the reverend gentleman from a prison. (Groans.) But Mr. Sneaksby was there— fn the presence of his friends; and be (Mr. Gotobed Tumpkins) would ask whether he (the Rev. Na- thaniel Soeaksby) looked like a guilty man or not. “Innocent! innocent!’’ ejaculated innumerable voices: while the object of this sympathy pursed up his‘mouth in so extraordinary a fashion that he cer- tainly bore at the moment a greater resemblance to a humbug than a saint. . “J protest against adopting the Report with that item of 5002. for law expenses,” exclaimed the short, fat, consequential-looking man, casting fierce glances around. “T call upon this meeting——” * Order! order!” cried several voices. “Chair! chair!” vociferated others. *T call upon this meeting, I say,’’ roared the little gentleman, becoming very red in the face, “to take notice thst a jury of his countrymen has pronounced Nathaniel Sneaksby guilty of seducing a married woman——”" - “ Chair !’"* —* Order!” —“ Chair !—* Torn him out!” were the cries that now roee in quick succession from all parts of the meeting. ~ “Yese—turn him out!” bawled Mr. Gotobded Tumpkins from the platform :—and the stout gentle- man was accordingly bundled from the hall, and thrast neck-and-crop into the street, with his coat slit up the back, his shirt-frill torn to shreds, and his hat as flat as a pancake. This little affair being settled, to the indescribable relief of the Reverend Mr. Nathaniel Sneaksby, the Secretary was about to resume his Report; when another member in the body of the hall stood up to make a few remarks. Undeterred by the example of the stout, consequential-looking gentleman, this indi- vidual began to expatiate in an excited manner upon the monstrous extravagance evidenced in the admi- nistration of the Society ;—and he was in the midst of a comparison of the sum absorbed in salaries with that which remained to carry out the objects of ‘he association, when the Reverend Mr. Sneaksby rose from his chair, exclaiming, “ Dear Christian friends, 1 put it to you whether this most indecent—this most indelicate—this most unheard-of interruption ought to continue ?” * No—no !”— Order !°—* Chair !”-—" Tam him out!" arose from every divection; and, in the twink- ling of an eye, the Opposition-member was thrust TTS OE, LS GS a | violently towards the door—kioked ferociously down | the steps—and bundled ignominiously out into the street, in as miserable a plight as his predecessor. This second episode, which afforded uncommon delight to the Amazon, being terminated in so sum- mary a manner, Mr. Gotobed Tumpkins was at length permitted to continue the reading of his Report, which proceeded to set forth several examples and instances of the beneficial results achieved by the Society. We quote a few of the specimens thus adduced. ® Cause the First.—Jonathan Crick is a tailor by trade: age forty-seven. When a little tarned of irty, married a woman who preved to be much given to drink. Yielding to the effects of evil ex- ample, Jonathan Crick became a drunkard like- wise. Neither he nor his wife ever went to church or chapel, and never saw areligious Tract. His business wont to ruin; and he passed through the Insolvents’ Court. Attributes his misfortunes to the want of religious Tracts. On coming out of prison, got a friend to be answerable for the rent of a small shop and to lend him a few pounds to stock it. But Mrs. Crick made away with every- thing she could lay her hand on in order to obtain drink. One day—nearly two years ago—one of the New Light’s Tracts was left at Crick’s shop. This was Tract 127, headed The Fiery Furnace. Mrs. Crick was sitting drunk by the fire when the Tract was placed in her hands. She dropped it upon the grate: it caught a-light—she tried to save it—and the flames were communicated to her dress. Before assistance could come, she was burnt to death. . This circumstance produced a great effect upon Mr. Crick’s mind; and being totally destitute of the wherewith even to buy bread, he resolved to abstain from strong drink. In due time a pious widow, belonging to the New Lights, visited the unhappy man with a bundle of the So- ciety’s Tracts. Crick knew her to be possessed of @ competency ; and he naturally felt interested in her. They sate down together and read Tract 613, headed Balaam’s Ass. Greatly refreshed, Mr, Crick besought the pious widow to kneel down and pray with him, This she did; and every day COMNGLOO S CONN