The Mysteries of the Court of London — page 48: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

30 THE COURT OF LONDON juice of the grape, never should I have grown a voluptuary and a debauchee. But all this I am now, all this I have be- come in less than a year, — in a few short months, I may say; and in moments of cool and sober reflection I loathe, I hate myself. Heavens! you weep, Venetia, oh, you weep, and you, then, are also moved, you feel, on your side, the same as I do? ”’ ‘Yes, yes, my dear Horace,’’ she murmuringly interrupted him, ‘‘ would to God that we could recall the past, but it is impossible. Our destiny is fixed; we must follow it, we must obey it, and though brilliant in the eyes of the world, yet does it carry its own punishment along with it. Yes, because it will not bear the calmness of reflection, and in order that existence can be made tolerable, it must be an incessant whirl of giddy pleasures, frenzied enjoyments, and intoxicating delights.”’ ‘“‘ Oh, to live such a life on to the end! ” exclaimed Horace, as if stricken with a cold shudder. ‘‘ Nevertheless, as you say, dear Venetia, it must be endured. But at this moment I am jealous of you, I love you again as a wife, I am mad to think that these glorious charms of yours should ever have been possessed by another, — perhaps by others.”’ “ Horace,’’ Venetia suddenly observed, exerting herself with a strong effort to subdue her emotions, “ this scene can endure no longer. I understand, I appreciate, and I share all the feelings which have been excited in your breast, but it is useless, worse than useless, to yield to these moments of softness and tenderness. We must fulfil our destiny, we must observe our compact.” ‘“‘ Yes, there is no alternative,’’ said Horace. ‘“ But, at all events, there is a melancholy pleasure in such a scene as this, and methinks that it does one good.” ‘“‘ No, it is a weakness to which we ought not to yield,” immediately rejoined Venetia, ‘‘ because it cannot lead to any beneficial result. We know too much of each other, Horace, ever to experience again that sublime confidence, that full and complete trustfulness, which alone can constitute the true happiness of wedded life. On your side, you know that I have been unfaithful to you, and on my side, I know that you have been unfaithful to me. I use the word unfaithful to express my meaning, although it be scarcely applicable, for that cannot be rightly termed unfaithfulness which is the comiclooolks (CO)