Adventure Magazine Cover, December 18, 1919 — page 139: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Playing Safe in Piperock - asks you as man to man, what have we “We've got between five and six hun- dred dollars in the Silver Bend bank,” T replies. “We did have, Ike. We did have a measly amount like that. How far will a amount like that go, I asks you? As old age sneaks upon us, Ike, and our hands lose their cunning we need to be upholstered in worldly goods or go to the bone-yard.” “Has somebody robbed that danged bank?” I gasps. “T hope not, Ike. I wrote a check for five hundred and gave it to Jay-Bird, so I ain’t worrying.” “The you did! What for, Mag- pie?” “For the complete and entire owner- ship of Oswald’s Dog and Pony Show, which will be knowed in the future as Simpkins’ Stupendous Shows Com- _ bined.” “Combined with what?” I whispers. “I don’t know yet.” I don’t say nothing more. I look at him—that’s all. I hope to die if I didn’t want to kill my pardner. I swallers hard and scratches the butt of my six-gun. “IT knowed you’d choke up with e-motion, Ike,’ says he, reaching over to pat me on the back. “It’s a thing that only comes once in a man’s life, and I knowed it would make you happy. Op- portunity knocked and [I sure let her in. Come on, Ike, and we'll make P. T. Barnum’s outfit look like a medicine show. Why, dog-gone it, Ike, we can run that outfit one season and clean up enough to let us loaf the rest of our lives.” “Barnum was right,’ *I whispers. “He sure was.” “You danged know he was,” nods Magpie. “He knew.” “One every minute, Magpie, and no stop-watches on earth.” I don’t know nothing about circuses. My folks got all their money honestly, and I don’t know a blood-sweating Behe- moth from a ant-eater, but it don’t need zoological wisdom to see that me and Magpie owns a lot of undesirables. First on the list cometh Cleopatra. Magpie has a book which I read once, and it says that Cleopatra showed up on the 125 Egyptian range about one hundred and seventeen years before Christ, but after I looks her over I.comes to the conclu- sion she ain’t that young. Cleopatra is a man-eating tiger, but from the looks of her ribs I’d say that she ain’t mixed with men folks for a long, long time. Her teeth look like she’d been trying to get sustenance from stones. She might pinch but I'll be danged if she could bite. Then comes Allah. He looks like a antique rug that the moths had been liv- ing in. They say a camel can go eight days without drinking,- but I’m betting ~ Allah can go longer than that without eating. He’s what I’d call a shipwreck of the desert. Then comes Alcibiades. This critter might ’a’ been a elephant years ago, but right now he ain’t much but a mass of rubber wrinkles and a pair of mean little eyes. Alcibiades sure needed washing and ironing. The pony end of the outfit consists of four little pinto ponies, and the dogs tally about six mongrels, one mixed breed and one just dog. There’s two monkeys which scratch like lumber- jacks. There’s a dirty tent, two painted wagons, a bass drum, a bale of hay and a set of harness. With these few onde I have pro- claimed what we own for five hundred dollars. Oh, I forgot to mention a water-bucket minus the bail. I’m look- ing over our loss when Magpie comes back, grinning like a fool. “Eighty: dollars, Ike!” he whoops. “We own the whole layout now. The Simpkins’ Stupendous Shows United.” “Eighty dollars for what, Magpie?” I asks. “Mastadon Carnival Company, Ike. Hassayampa knowed there was no use bucking me. We own everything now.” “Except brains,” says I. “What does the Mastadon consist of?” | “Why—” Magpie scratches his head— “T’ll be danged if I know. Must be worth eighty. dollars. It ain’t reasonable to suppose ‘s : “Figuring comparative prices, Mag- pie, you must have got an extra water- bucket for the eighty. What is a carni- val, Magpie?” We ain’t far from Judge Mulligan’s mIIcDOOKS