Adventure Magazine Cover — page 112: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

102 ‘“‘And,” says Magpie, looking up at the awed face of mamma, “that is a —— of a good feed for a he-man, if anybody should ask yuh.” Mamma swallers hard and flops her arms like she was going to fly, but her voice won’t seem to work. She sort of puffs up full of words and all at once she explodes: “Of all things!’ ‘““Yes’m,”’ agrees Magpie. are.’’ Mamma takes two deep breaths and walks away stiff-legged like a peeved bear. Aloysius cocks one eye at mamma, and then squints at Magpie. . “Pup-paw,”’ says Bettina; “I’m ashamed that you would let a man say such things to mummaw.’ Aloysius looks at Magpie and then back at Bettina. “My dear, one must use diplomacy. I find that cooks are very scarce, and—and besides, your mother is too—er—cocky. Isn’t that the right word to use, Lord Wash- burn?” ‘“‘I—er—”’ Lord Washburn screws the one-eyed spectacle into his eye and squints hard—“‘T would—er — rawther say — er — speaking in the feminine gender regarding fowl, I would say she was—er—a bit henny. 3 Haw! Haw! Haw!” Bung! Anyway I think it “bunged.” I didn’t hear it, cause I was the one it bunged upon. I know I woke up and found them all grouped around me, and old Tip says— “Aw, you-can’t kill him that easy, but T’ll bet that pot-cover will never fit again.” I got up and declared myself like this— “T can lick the —— fool who hit me!” “There he goes again, pup-paw,” wails Bettina. ‘‘He’s meaning mum-maw.’ “Is she the fool?”’ I asks. ‘She is my wife,” says Aloysius. “That’s a sensible answer,” says I. ‘‘Why did she hit me?”’ ‘“‘Women,”’ says Tip, “‘never need no reason. Them female contraptions is a heap like dynamite, because they bust without provocation at times. I reckon she was aiming to land a court-card and drewadeuce. Lord What-yub- call’m haw- hawed at the wrong time.’ “Such as they “Then Lord What-yuh-call’m better lay © “T ain’t females banging off on that haw-haw stuff,” says I. going to have no Adventure me on the head just because some snake- hunter of a lord opines to haw-haw at the wrong time. anyway?” “Joke,” says he. “Good joke. Aloysius says, ‘She’s getting too cocky, don’t you know?’ and I replied, ‘I’d say she was—er— rather henny.’ Haw, Haw, Haw!” It was five minutes before the lord woke up. I whanged him on the head with a lid off the Dutch oven, and he just sets right down and stares into space. “That was a dastardly deed,” says Bettina, trying to take the lord’s head in her lap; but he acts like one of them toy things what you can’t make lay down. Every time she tips him over he flops right up again. ° “You plumb knocked his gyroscope out of kilter,” says Magpie. “Want me to set on his neck, ma’am?”’ The lord begins whistling through his teeth and pretty soon he gets red in the face and looks around. “What happened to me, I’d awsk?” says he. ‘You got in the road of that pot-cover,” says Magpie. ‘“Pot-cover?” he asks. “I beg your pardon.”’ ‘“You’re welcome,” says Magpie. ‘The old lady hit Ike with it ’cause you haw- hawed at. the wrong time, and then Ike tried to hit the old lady ’cause you haw- hawed at the wrong time again.” “Did you try to hit mum-maw?” asks Bettina. “Did you actually contemplate that? Why?” ‘You can draw your own conclusions,”’ says I. “She can’t draw anything,” declares Aloysius. ‘She spent a year in Paris and ten thousand dollars tryin’ to learn how to draw, and—and ‘“Pup-paw, that is very unkind of you to air our family affairs before strangers.” “Don’t mind me,” squeaks Tip. “Fight if yuh feel lik® it—I’m hard-boiled.” “I’d venture to say that I am misunder- stood,”’ states the lord, rubbing his head. “What had art to do with the present situation, I’d awsk? There has been al- together too much coarse badinage and ex- changing of—er ‘‘Pot-covers?” asks Magpie. “Exactly. I hope we will succeed in our mission, but I am of the opinion it will COmiclbook What you haw-hawing about . CO