Adventure Magazine Cover, October 1911 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

954 I regarded him suspiciously, ‘‘ What’s the answer? Reads too good! Why is the old man due to go on the war-path to-night?” This time his grin was guilty, “’Cause he’ll hear about the cousin from Kentucky coming to take Summer courses.” “In the Annex?”’ “Yes—but = “Ho! Ho-ha-ho! Oh, Ill come out!” I broke out with harsh sarcasm, “with only this old suit to my back—you’ll recall that I pawned my best ones so we could see Mans- field and you could get your shirts from the Chinaman—lI’ll come out to meet a girl from Kentucky—not! You're scared, you coward!”’ I slid down in my big chair and picked up the book in my lap, “‘Goon! You don’t dast face anybody but old cripples! Shoot pigeons, if you dare, and get licked to a plumb frazzle! But you can’t hide be- hind me when it comes to facing girls! Go "wa ee “Say!” He sat up, pale with terror. “You don’t mean it? Now see here!” He rose to his almost seven feet, cleared his throat and gave his trousers a preparatory hitch: “Where’s your nerve—your May- flower blood? Imagine a girl meeting me! She’d go into hysterics on the spot, and light out for Kentucky ’cross lots! More- over, she’s probably hump-backed and dys- peptic, with overshot front teeth and spec- tacles—searching for ‘trewth’! She won’t get here until to-morrow, anyhow.” I sat tight and grinned sardonically, but I knew I should go in the end. Ten minutes later we were on the way to the Square to get a North Avenue car, Trainor hugging himself with an occasional suppressed spasm of delight. gia tT DESCRIBE our trip in detail, be- = ate cause it illustrates the statement, elsewhere paraphrased, that Trainor was always either asleep or strenuously get- ting into trouble. Our car having just left the Square, the only sensible thing to do was to wait for the next one. So we didn’t do it. As Trainor was wont to say, “Any fool could do that!’’ So we started a wild stern chase after the car dwindling in the distance, Trainor waving his accouterments over his head and yelling like an Apache. Sundry small boys helped by advice and piercing whistles; and other business on the avenue Adventure was at a standstill until we swung aboard in triumph. Trainor entered the closed car in an ex- pansive mood, and instantly took his cue from the amused smiles of the occupants. Exaggerating his ungainliness, he blushed, stepped on his own feet, poked the gun into a fat waistcoat, reversed it and jammed ina stiff hat, finally dropping into a seat and doing such intricately embarrassed stunts with the firearm that one nervous gentleman fled to the rear platform, where he could be seen expostulating with the conductor. Then Trainor settled himself with a satisfied grin, and winked at a pretty shop-girl opposite. There he made a mistake. She was not as intelligent as she looked, and she tossed her head angrily. Next to her happened to sit a virtuous Y. M. C. A. store-clerk, who felt it his duty to administer stern reproof. It was not the time of the moon for re- proofs. Trainor’s reverence for womankind was tenderly profound, and he was cut to the quick by the girl’s misunderstanding. His eyes were wet, his lips and nostrils work- ing rabbit-wise, when he became aware of the existence of the virtuous young man. Now I had seen him look like crying once before, and the other fellow’s appearance subsequently was not appetizing. Signal- ling the conductor, I got a grip of his collar and by a desperate effort managed to drag him off the car just as it came to a stop. Oblivious of all else, he came to the ground growling imprecations—‘“‘Did y’ see the mucker? Did y’ see him? Thought I was trying to insult that Why, say! D’you suppose he would stick in that window?’”’ He made a sudden lunge at the open win- dow of the car where the back of the vir- tuous neck showed temptingly. One instant more and the severe young Christian would have come through the window backward; but I got the gun-barrels between Trainor’s legs just in time—tripped him into the fat man who had got off after us, while I swung to his coattails and shouted: ‘Look out! Can’t you see a man by day- light? Hold up—and apologize to the gentleman!” It was an inspired thought. His apology was sincere and abject. The car moved on and he looked down at me with an admiring grin. I lost no time in heading him for the side- walk, and, as he was more than likely to run CO CloOOLkKS CO