Argosy All-Story Weekly — page 174: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

800 time. If looks could kill we would both have been dead. “TU tell you what I'll do,” says I at last. “‘ We will both go before Octavia, and let her pick her man.” “ Fair enough,” says Joe, “ Let’s go.” He pulls on his patent leathers, and we goes down to the widow’s without speaking a word. 3 Octavia receives us with that cool, sweet, unruffled calm. Joe looked like a bulldog training for a prize fight, and I had that look that goes with confidence. Octavia gave us both chairs. ‘Gentlemen, you will excuse me for a short time. Mr. Ringo, the banker, is here on some business. I will be back in a few moments,” says Octavia with a smile for each of us, and she hikes into the dining room where this Ringo guy is holding some sort of session. We hear a low buzz from Ringo. Joe and I were in no mood for a love fest, so the absence of talk in our department was al- most painful. Ringo was telling Octavia how to get her insurance for the dead sol- dier. He would advise her as regards in- vestments; and every once in a while we could hear something about safeguarding her interests. Then there would be one of them ominous silences, and Joe was having a time keeping his legs crossed. Pretty soon this Ringo bird gathers up his papers, and in they come; and would you believe it, sir, Octavia carried his hat and was leaning on his arm and blushing —or was it the kind that comes in boxes? Tl be darned if I know. I gave it up. She was leaning on that guy as if she was just getting over a bad case of dengue fever. Ringo gave us that sort of smile which means anything from petty larceny to murder in the first degree. “T am glad to meet you gentlemen, and I take pleasure in presenting to you my U ARGOSY-ALLSTORY WEEKLY. future wife. We are to be married in a very few days,”’ he says, throwing out his chest. ‘““ Unless some one else comes along with a better rating,” blurts out Joe. Joe was about as diplomatic as a hog. ‘““We heard of it,” says I, “and came over to offer congratulations. Our florist is now making up an elaborate bride’s bouquet of orange blossoms for the happy day.” I can be a cheerful liar if the occasion demands. “So good of you both,” gurgles Octavia, “We do hope you will be at our wedding.” Me and Joe eased out of that joint some way. I felt like 1 had been sent for and could not come, and Joe now and then laughs one of them hellish sardonic laughs, He stops at the store and buys me a good cigar, which I takes it to. mean we have buried the hatchet. Going to the shack, we meet the depot agent. He is carrying a telegram, and when he sees us he stops and begins to laugh. ‘““Who’s it with Octavia this week?” says he. “ Ringo. He tagged us and then touched wood, and he’s it,” says I. “Meaning he touched her head,” said Joe. “* Read this,” says the agent, handing us the telegram. “ Ain’t war hell?” Washington, D. C. OcrTaviA Brown, San Rio, Texas: We find the casuality list in error, Private Brown is not dead, but alive and on his way home. There will be no insurance. (Signed) Cuyer CLERK InsuRANCE DEp’r, A few hours later Joe says: ‘‘ Hand me that. Police Gazette; I'll read that article on Vera Chapman taking on her sixth husband. What are you reading?” “It’s a little thing by Kipling entitled: ‘A Fool There Was,’ ” says I. “ Even as you and I,” says Joe. U OUT.GOGFf THE SKY Our next week’s Novelette by JOSEPH IVERS LAWRENCE will well repay the. attention of the reader. It’s a graphic tale of everyday life along unusual lines. 10 A COMMICOOOKS (C@