Argosy All-Story Weekly, April 4, 1925 — page 157: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WORLD-BEATERS. yowling through the tent. Joe takes one look and grabs it by the tail. With a pair of scissors he proceeds to clip off a little fur, all of which the puss had plenty. ‘“ Doc,” he says, ** gimme that mucilage outta that box. I intend to replace some hair on Mr. Clinker’s well-shaved skin.” He does. Clem files protest after pro- test, but Joe slaps the fur around his face from ear to ear. Of course, it was far from a neat job, but, when down in the hole, it would look a darn sight better than nothing. That over with, Clem doubled his argu- ments in favor of a hundred dollars before going on with the act. In desperation Joe gives it to ‘im. What would you? We had at least three hundred dollars outside the tent, waiting to pay its admission in to see the final exhibition, and if we refused Clem his hold-up money, we’d lose everything. Meantime, our ideas about boobs in gen- eral begins to change rapidly. So that was that. Now comes the end of an im- perfect day. The tent was packed like a chorus girl’s trunk. The only standing room left was on the heads of the customers. Clem is in his customary place in the wooden box, down in Mamma Earth, ready and willing to be brought up and revived. In order to make up for what Clem demands, meaning the hundred berries, we decide at the last min- ute to jimmy up the price to seventy-five cents, instead of fifty. The boys and girls paid it so fast that we was sorry we hadn't jacked it up to a dollar! After pacing up and down with his hands behind his back, Professor Dr. Joseph Sweeney begins his final lecture. It takes him twenty minutes to say absolutely noth- ing with the largest words in captivity, all of which went over the knobs of the audi- ence and lands in the next county. ‘“ And now, la-dees and gentle-mun-n,” concludues Joe, ‘‘ the time arrives when we are to see whether our experiment in the interest of science has been a success or a failure.” He then called for volunteers from the audience to come forward and remove the earth in order to exhume the subject. Two natives volunteer to do the shoveling and, 947 hve minutes later, the wooden box was ex- posed. Before going on with the act, Joe tells the volunteers to return to their seats, thanking them for their noble assistance. If something went wrong, it would never do to have the dear boys so close. As Joe and me jump down in the hole and remove the lid, the back tomcat lets forth a loud yowl and jumps out of the box from near Clem’s neck. How he got down there—well, we'll come to that part later! ‘Wonder how that browser got down there?” whispers Joe. “Dunno,” I buzzes back, ‘ but a black cat has always been a jinx to me!” Joe, sensing that the audience were mur- muring about the cat, got up from the hole, and announces, ‘“La-dees and_ gentle- mun-n, it may interest you to know that the cat that just leaped from the box was a pet of Mr. Clinker’s and, missing its master, must have crawled down the shaft to be near him. Cat’s are wonderful crea- tures, don’t you think?” Joe’s a quick thinker, eh? Then me and Joe starts to lift the box to the surface. As we did So, a rock slips off the bank and lands on Clem’s left ear. He grunts, opens his eyes, and mutters, ‘“What’s the idea?” ‘Shut up and keep your peepers closed! ” hisses Joe. ‘‘ We are about to carry you up before the audience.” We starts again to lift up the box, and another rock becomes dislodged and socks poor Clem on the bean. He grunts a little louder and demands to know what we were tossing stones at him for. ‘‘ Keep quiet,” soothes Joe, “ everything is sitting pretty!” For the third time we starts to lift the box to the surface. Not so good! Half way up, my foot gets tangled up in some- thing and I slip. Down goes Clem to the bottom of the hole. The shock near bounces him clear out of the box. ‘“‘ All right, Clem,” says Joe. ‘Just a little accident, that’s all. Just keep quiet, and we’ll have you up in a jiffy!” Finally, we get the box up before the audience and Joe begins with the solemn business of reviving. As Clem lays nice and still in the coop, Joe makes a few maj- Conn GIOok