Argosy All-Story Weekly — "Sea Marauders" — page 97: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

KNOCKED OUT WHERE THE WEST BEGINS. “Willie Sims,” says he, “and you will find it at the top of the scenario I am going to bring you.” Shortly after, Willie returns with a flock of paper in one hand and an eye- expanding girl in the other. “Mr. Simpson,” says Willie, “TI want you to meet Miss Bessie Barrow, a natural-born actress who the movie trust won't give a chance. There is a _ part in this- scenario, which I have called ‘ Whispering Cactus,’ that will just fit her type.” | “TI would be so thankful,” says the blond panic, “if you would give me a chance. If I once get a start, I am sure I can make the grade!” “T will think it over,” says Two- Punch, “and let you know. Er—you can leave the scenario here and [ will read it over to my manager, not that the ape would have brains enough to know whether it was any good or not.” ‘ That will be jake to me, Mr. Simp- son,” beams the happy Willie. ‘Thank you so much!” blushes Bes- sie, and both exit happy. “ Well,” remarks T'wo-Punch, after the door had closed, “if this guy’s scenario has as much action as Bessie has looks it ought to be a riot!” “With you in it,” I says, “it ought to be a riot, anyway. Before you waste your hard-earned jack, I wouldst advise you to stop kidding yourself and accept the offer of Beautiful Pictures. Twen- ty-five grand is twenty-five grand, and you ain’t taking any chances. “Tf their picture is a flop, you should worry; you got yours in the bag. If Ike Smith is sap enough to make such a bid you ought to be wise enough to snap it up. "Remember, chump, you have no more experience in making fil- lums than a rooster has with buck-teeth. Why be a boob?” “Why be a sucker?” he yelps. “If Ike Smith can offer me twenty-five smackers, they must figger on cleaning up at least a hundred thou’ on the deal. Why should I give them all ’at loose etavy?” LA hs a ae r ae 519 “It’s your coffin,” I says, “‘ hop into it. But you don’t get a dime of my dough, and that’s that!” “Well, he who laughs last—” hbe- gins Two-Punch. “Must be dumb,” I concludes. “Read the scenario and see what sort of bargain you got.” Although he read the scenario aloud for the next hour, all I could get out of it was a load of static. No fool- ing, lads and lassies, it was terrible! There was a hero and a heroine, and both did their stuff. The hero’s name was “ Buckaroo Murphy ” and the heroine’s name was * Annabelle Custer’? and—well, I won't annoy you with the details. It may have been a great Western meller- drama, but I bet a load of sugar against a load of sand that Charlie Chaplin would of been tickled silly to fillum it! “ What d’yer think of it?” asks Two- Punch, laying down the story. “Eh, what is it?” I asks, with the greatest of innocence. “What d’yer think it is,” he steams up, ‘a bed-time story? In my opinion, it’s a pip of a Western scenario and should ought to make a grand fillum.” “You mean to say that you will buy that mess and produce it?” I asks, dum- founded. ‘Why not? I can play the part of Buckaroo Murphy with ease. You no- ticed that he was quite handy with his fists, when he knocked them bandits kicking, in two or three socks on their chins.”’ ‘““ And I suppose the part of beautiful Annabelle Custer will be played by Bes- sie Barrow, hey?” “Right,” he says. “I would even give a part to you, but they ain’t no wise-cracking monkeys in the scen- ario.” TTT. DurinG the next few weeks plenty things happened; don’t think they didn’t! His first bad break is to motor to Hollywood, with the innocent object “com micbOoks.c com