Argosy All-Story Weekly, October 6, 1923 — page 167: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“LIQUOR AND WOMAN. to the dark basement ender the store for at least two years, in walked the representa- tive of an insurance company. He talked life insurance until he got a whiff of old Kern’s breath, then switched to fire nisks and finally burglary protection. — When the insurance man = his song and dance, he had shown the shopkeeper that two thousand dollars paid in at once would make him independently rich should burglars clean him out some evening in the near future, Herbert Kern said he would think it over. He did, drumming on the surface of his boiled white shirt and tugging first at his collar wings, then at his white mustache ends. too much—he passed up the insutance and ordered the barrel. Such a simpleton was old Herbert Kern, with a heart as big as the moon and a thirst as big as the moon’s orbit. — Til. Mrs. Cuar.orre oe “was ‘getting the lay of One Hundred and Tenth Street when her eye chanced upon the shop whose win- dow bore the name “ H. Kern.” It looked aristocratic and expensive to her and she — thought it worth while to investigate. The Duchess assumed an expensive appearance herself and went inside and asked to see some cigarette holders. The first thing she cuca “about. old Herbert was that his rather unsteady gait and slowly arriving thoughts indicated that he was steamed up to a degree, more or Tess. Just between all of us, a person would have had little difficulty in convincing Her- bert Kern that he just had been elected governor or that the world grows better _ day by day. It was late afternoon and the Duchess estimated that by nightfall the shopkeeper would be in that unhappy state which the irreverent denotes as “ pie-eyed.” Her thoughts shaped themselves quickly. She rather fancied the store and its mer- — chandise. Kern sold her an ebony holder, whose jewels were barely perceptible, yet - flashed fire once they were noted. Without a groan she paid its price, figuring that it was an investment that wank: bene re- SS. = After a little thinking—not = ‘The key was in the door.” Gibbs. “Are you open evenings?” asked Mrs. “Yes, ma’am,” said Kern, ae sight = ly into a profound bow. On the way out the Duchess gave one 2 more glance at the formidable safe under its yellow torch and made a fentst resolution to squander no golden minutes. TY. Weegee oid Herken’ Renenea ened next morning and began to grope his way out of the fogs to sobriety, the sun was on the top rung of its stepladder and — he was in a police station cell. sophisticated let it be said that going to sleep happy and awakening with mch-thick bars functioning as Swiss window drapes “To the un- _ provides a thrill that cannot be withstood =< very often. Kern did just what one is expected to do | -under the circumstances. He went to the = door and shouted: “ Hello!” ‘ Hello, yourself!’ ” answered the fine = key, appearing from the copndor. ss yon want?” “ What am ti in for?” Herbert ceed < ake you out fo the desk sergeant and ‘he'll return your stuff to you.” = ee | “Oh, just to sober up. Come on, Se = In much of a daze Kern confronted the = important blotter sergeant, who rather sus- pected that his abilities would find a better = Did T ‘get into a jam or ‘something PP the culprit asked. ‘No, mo,’ * said the sergeant ie | field for expression were he chief of detec = taking a brier pipe, five matches, a tebacco = pouch, cuff links, watch, tie pin and sixfy- five cents from a property envelope: and shoving it at Kern. “ You were 2 little oiled up and we locked you up for the night _ for your own good so you wouldn’t get run over or anything like that.” _ Old Herbert hurried from the police sta- tion. He wondered if he or the policemen — had forgotten to lock up his- establishment. It worried him because there had been ne = key returned with his other effects. - When he got to his shop his worries began ee wr ee