Argosy All-Story Weekly, April 18, 1925 — page 143: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A COURSE IN ETIQUETTE. “She raised me wid a hick’ry limb an’ raised me frequent.” “Shore! But dat warn’t manners. Dat wuz cornduck.” ‘“Whut de diffunce?”’ Ledora demanded to know. ~ “Read dis book an’ you'll find out dat a little nigger mought git skint alive eve’y day wid a oak paddle an’ he wouldn’t know nothin’ about manners. Listen: ‘ Whut is de proper way to hol’ de knife an’ fork? Whut is de correck an’ cul-tu-red way to eat cawn on de cob? Whut is de correc’ order of pre-ce-dence fer de weddin’ march?’ Whut little pickaninny could learn dem proper things by gittin’ paddled fo’ times per each day?” “My good Lawd!” Ledora howled. “ De man whut writ dat book wus a idjut—an’ no limb didn’t fall on him neither. He was bawned dat way!” “ ?*Tain’t so,” Pink snapped, as he con- tinued to read: ‘“‘‘' To those who are con- stant-ly in fear of doin’ or sayin’ de wrong thing, who cormit breaches of et-i-qu-et-te, minglin’ wid men an’ women often brings hu-mi-li-a-ti-on.’ ” ‘“Whut am a bree-ach of etti-cu-etty!” Ledora wanted to know. “ Ef a nigger cor- mitted one of dem things aroun’ me, I’d shoot at him six times an’ throw rocks at him half a hour, an’ repote him to de gran jury—ef I knowed it!” “Huh!” Pink snorted. ‘ You wouldn’t know he done it. You warn’t raised polite like me.” “Whoa!” Ledora howled at the mule. Then she remarked to the world: ‘“ Whut pesticates my mind is dat we is got to hunt a bood-war in dis here swamp whar we kin sleep all night. Do dat book signify whar to camp out an’ be real shore dat de moc- casins won’t chase you outen bed an’ de rattlesnake tickle yo’ nose wid his tail?” ‘““No’m. But it tells you whut to say ef you sneezes in public sawsiety.” They had started early in the morning, but the difficulties and delays of the journey had brought them at sunset to the place where they must spend the night in the woods. They were not disturbed at the thought, for they were thoroughly familiar with this sort of life. They would merely 293 tie their mule to a tree, rub him with cer- tain odorous leaves to keep off mosquitoes; then anointing themselves with the juices of the same weeds, they would climb into the bed of their wagon and sleep. Quickly they went about preparing their meager evening meal, while Pink quoted the contents of his book from memory: ““ Does you know how to arrange de table fer a for-mal dinner? Is it correc’ to cut a roll, or should it be broke wid de fingers? Whut is de correc’ way to eat ass-parrow- grass on de cob?” “ Hursh! whispered, as she straightened up from her cooking, disturbed by a loud rustling in the underbrush some distance away. She climbed upon the seat of the wagon and rested an old shotgun across her fat knees while her eyes searched every clump of grass and the vicinity of every tree. “Keep on lookin’,” Pink said uncon- cernedly. “ Yo’ eyes is heap sharper dan mine. I done got cross-eyed an’ shawt- sighted readin’ of a book. Mebbe it’s a bear or a swamp-cat smellin’ dese here cookin’ vittles.” The man took up the preparation of the meal where Ledora left off. In a moment there was a low hiss from the woman and Pink stepped upon the wagon-hub and raised himself up to see. A wild man was coming toward them, threshing at the underbrush, falling and ris- ing again, stopping twice to call aloud. But his voice was gone completely, and the sound made was a mingling of the croak of the frog and the hiss of the goose, leaving a bloody spume upon the cracked lips of the desperate and hopeless man. “ Huh!” Pink grunted. ‘“ Ef a man is introjuced to a puffeck stranger, whut muss he say?” TI. THE man was following their wagon trail, but he did not know it. In fact, he knew nothing. His clothes had been torn to rags and he was covered with mud, mud which had been on his body for several days for it had caked upon his hands and face and had been augmented by frequent contribu- tions until it was impossible to tell whether oe mie (E(0) DOOKS Shut yo’ mouth!” Ledora. (E@)