Argosy All-Story Weekly, June 13, 1925 — page 79: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THROW UP YOUR HANDS. A burly hard rock miner who had been dozing on one of the roulette tables rubbed his eves and sat up. ‘“Whut was th’ pint, yore honor!” he wanted to know. “The question before the court,” Judge Oglethorpe explained in a clear, decisive voice, “is whether Yumpa is a fair, beauti- ful and peace-loving community, as I stated in my charge, or a cesspool of iniquity, noted for its sin and vice and corruption, and peopled by white livered human pole- cats—those are the defendant’s words, I believe.” ‘“He’s a dirty leetle liar!” the miner roared. ‘‘ Whut you said about Yumpa is true, yore honor, so help me Gord!” The judge smiled benevolently. ‘“ Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?” he said amiably. “Shore I do!” the miner snapped. ‘“Mebbe in th’ coss o’ my life, yore honor, J ain’t always been as law-abidin’ and re- spectable as my pore daid mammy and pappy prayed I was a goin’ to be, but one thing, jedge, I c’n say fer meself, is that I ain’t never in the coss of my life told a falsehood. “And [ll tell ya why, jedge. When my mammy lay on her deathbed, after bein’ cruelly and foully struck down by a moun- tain lion while a milkin’ th’ cow, she says to me, ‘ Sonny,’ she says, ‘ get down thar on th’ floor on yore leetle knees,’ she says, ‘and make yore dyin’ mammy a promise.’ And when I got down on my knees like she done commanded me, she placed her worn old hand on my leetle haid, she says, ‘Sonny,’ she says, ‘J want va should prom- ise me th’t, no matter whut ya may do in life, whut crimes ya may commit if need be, ya'll never, so long as ya live, tell no- body a lie. Will ya promise me that, lad, fer ’m a dyin’, lad, I’m a dyin’ and I can hear them angels singin’, lad.’ “And, jedge, 1 looked my pore dyin’ mammy square in the eve and I says, ‘Mammy dear,’ I says, with the tears a runnin’ down my leetle face, ‘ Mammy dear,’ I says, ‘I swear to ya,’ I savs, ‘no matter whut crimes I commit, I’ll never so long as I live, tell a lie to nobody.’ ool * And with that, my pore old mammy let out a screech and flopped up into th’ air, jedge, two foot off'n th’ bed, and when she come cown, her pore old eyes was closed and my pappy says, ‘ Sonny,’ he says, ‘ yore leetle mammy’s daid.’ ” The burly miner hung his head. There was not a dry eye in the court room. There was even a suspicious moisture in the eyes oi Judge Oglethorpe, and he dabbled at this unashamedly with a large blue-hemmed silk handkerchief. ‘“And from that day to this,” the miner - said in a husky voice, ‘‘ I ain’t never broke my oath to my dyin’ mammy.” The judge smiled through his tears and sighed. “My friend,” he said gently, “it is just such great, true, noble-hearted men as your- self who have made the Southwest what it is. Speaking for us all, I want you to know how sincerely and gratefully we appreciate your offer to be of service. If you will kind- ly take the witness stand, we will proceed.” With the two revolvers at his hips rustling in their leather, the miner awkwardly mounted the witness stand and gazed out shyly over the crowded court room. ‘In the absence of a duly qualified dis- trict attorney,” the judge decreed, “I will ask you the necessary questions. I be- lieve I may say, with all modesty, that I am in a position to enact a dual—nay!—a triple r6le. In the past I have served suc- cessively as a practising attorney, a dis- trict attorney, and a judge, so that, with your permission, I will conduct the trial in that triple capacity. “What in Sam Hill,’ Red Wilpin de- manded, “do you mean by that, yore honor?” Judge Oglethorpe gave him a chilling elance. ‘“} mean, prisoner, that I will act first as prosecuting attorney, then as attorney for the defendant, and when, if, and as the occasion demands, as the judge.” “Do va mean, judge,” the prisoner gasped, “that you’re a goin’ to act as my lawyer?” ‘ Exactly! torney.”’ * T object!” Red Wilpin roared. And as the prosecuting at- COmiclboo (Cc