Ballou's Monthly Magazine, Vol. XXVII, No. 1 — page 94: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

98 Ballou’s Monthly Magazine. FACTS AND FANCIES. A PLANTATION PREACHER.—The following is a story told by the Bishop of Tennessee at the recent Church congress, as showing the edu- cation of a plantation preacher. He said: I was visiting a plantation, and the bell was rung, and the negroes, numbering some five hundred, gathered in the parlors and piazzas of the house, belonging, unfortunately for himself, to a bachelor. After reading a chapter to them I preached, and said that I would hold aservice the next day to baptize such as should be pre- sented. I baptized between seventy and eighty, and, after a service, I fell into conversation with “Uncle Tony,” a plantation preacher. I asked him about various Christian doctrines, and finally said: “And what about the resurrection?” With a very solemn face he replied, “You see, master, intment is intment.” ~ 2eB,- “Well, you see dere is a speritual body, and dis body made out of dus’.” » tes” “Well, you see, when de Angel Gabriel comes down from heaben, and goin’ up and down de riber Jordan, a blowin’ of his trumpet, and the ‘birds of heaben singin’, and de bells of heaben ringin’,and the milk and de honey rainin’ down on all the hills of heaben, he will bring de sper- itual body wid him down from heaben, and take dis here body out of de dus’, and take the intment and rub it on, den stick togedder—and .dar dey is,” KIND INQUIRIES.—Cousin Kate was a sweet, wide-awake beauty of about seventeen, and she took it into her head to go down on Long Island _to see some relations of hers who had the mis- fortune to live there. Among those relations there chanced to be a young swain who had seen Kate on a previous occasion, and seeing, fell deeply in love with her. He called at the house on the evening of her arrival,and she met him on the piazza, where she was enjoying the evening air in company with two or three of her friends. ? The poor fellow was so bashful that he could not find his tongue for some time, At length he stammered out: “ How’s your mother?” “ Quite well, thank you.” Another silence on the part of Josh, during which Kate and her friends did the best they could to relieve the monotony. After waiting about fifteen minutes for him to commence to make himself agreeabie, he again broke the - Missouri neighbors in Kansas. spell by, “ How’s your father?” which was an- swered much after the same manner as the first one, and then followed another silence like the other. “ How’s your father and mother?” again put in the bashful lover. “Quite well, both of them.” This was foi- lowed by an exchange of glances and a sup- pressed smile. This lasted some ten minutes more, during _ which Josh was fidgeting in his seat and strok- ing his Sunday hat. But at length another question came: “ How’s your parents?” This produced an explosion that made the woods ring. WESTERN Ipioms.— Immigrants from the East were very merry at the expense of their In a street dis- cussion a lounger was defending as correct the rural Southern phrases—“ We’uns” and “ You *uns.” One of the bystanders asked him: “Are'you a grammarian?” “Which?” was his bewildered inquiry. “Are you a grammarian?” “Why, no, I’m a Missourian!” It was a distinction with a difference. But the fun is not all on one side. I remember an old Missourian who was brought in contact with many Eastern men by the establishment of a new stage line through the neighborhood. Said he: “T’ve lived on the frontier all mylife. I know the English and the sign language, and have picked up a smattering of French, Spanish, Choctaw and Delaware; but one language I can’t understand, and that is this infernal New York language!” DETERMINED TO BE REVENGED.— An old lady, a professor of the washerwoman’s art, had managed to scrape together sufficient means to build a small house and barn in the country. _ One afternoon, soon after she was comfortably established in her new home, a black cloud was seen in the west, and before many minutes a tornado swept through her small property, scattering the timbers of her little barn in every direction. Coming out of her kitchen, and seeing the devastation the storm had made, the old lady at first could not find words to express her indignation; but at last she exclaimed: “Well, here’s a pretty business! No matter, though. Tl pay you for this, Pll wash on Sunday !” comiclbooks.com