Life — December 28, 1928 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IN THE HUDDLE Mary: Bill made a forward pass this afternoon. Ruru: I told you that you'd have to watch those college boys, dearie. Wutew the cat's away the mice will play— but maybe the cat's not having such a punk time either. ANSWERED Nerse: What church do you belong to? Parent: None. Nexs: Well, what church do you go to when you do go? Parte: If you must know, the church which I stay away from most of the time when I don’t go is the Baptist. Tourist Version—"Under the spreading chestnut trees the village hot-dog stands.” RESPONSE TO A YOUNG LADY WHO ASKED FOR AN AUTOGRAPH Toxty write my name below Because you asked me to; and so When later on my scrawl you see Don’t murmur, “Who in hell was he?” Arthur Guiterman, Tite Prohibition question remains un- changed. It is still, “What will the boys in the back room have?” "She's a virtuoso, they tell me.” “Don't let them kid you—T've been out with that bab Paeaciter’s Wire: Where in the world did yoa learn those awful words, son? Partacner’s Son: I got them out of Papa’s sermon on Al Smith. A WOMAN'S “NO” MEANS: Pranars....Some day... Never... .Impossible Certainly....Ill think about it Of course not ...I doubt it....Certainly not Well, if you insist... Yes... .Not now. ...NO. “Gone Democratic” — Raskob, Du Pont and the 1929 Buick. Tuy laughed at me when I spoke to the waiter in Italian—but he came right back with some Scotch. THE VOICE THAT FAILED Movie Tueater Ettcrrictay (running up to manager): Come quick, sir! The Vitatone has gone haywire and I can’t find what's wrong. Mavacer: Well, it’s up to you, my boy. You've fot to get behind that screen and make a noise like Clara Bow. “Wutat is the shortest distance between two ‘Pounts?"* “Lindbergh.” IF POETS TOLD THE TRUTH Poems are made by fools like me; But any nut can make a tree. Carolyn Wells. UTTER EXHAUSTION Patsy: How many times were you kissed last night? Pecoy: I don't know. I got so tired I could hardly keep my eyes closed. HAPPY OLD YEAR! WE publish in this number sev- eral of the drawings,cartoons and so forth that have appeared in LIFE during the past twelve months. They provide a fairly comprehensive record of the trend and tendencies of Ameri- can humor in the year of grace, 1928—to which we bid, here- with, a fond adieu. HAPPY NEW YEAR! “In my house we have a Colonial bed that belonged to my great-great-grandmother.” “LT suppose it was one of those beds that Wash- ington slept. in.” “Well—mebbe—but you Grandmother to admit that.” could never get Ir is a year since a woman in Spain gave birth to a child with five arms. Yet the scarcity of first-class shortstops seems about the same. “Tus liquor tastes like insecticide.” “Yes—it isn't Flit to drink.” OUTCLASSED Tue Preacner: You must conquer yourself. I conquered myself when I was about your age. Tue Bum: Well, you see, parson, I'm a harder man to lick than you are. THE EXAMPLE “Way were you late to school this morning?” “We were playing Government, and I was Mayor Walker.” How to get the heavyweight champion- ship: Be sure you're white, then go ahead. One Fresuman: minded chap? Anoruer: Say, that’s all he thinks of. ls your room-mate a broad- Years will pass and millions of dollars will be spent before the great Monument to the Confederacy on Stone Mountain is completed. And within half an hour of its official unveiling, we wager, will climb up and pencil a mustache on Robert E. Lee. somec PERFECTLY ADAPTED Swe: You ought to be in the talking movies! He: Yeth, yeth, I gucth you're right. Rerente (excitedly): Hey, the bell rang for the eleventh round. Boxer: Aw, hell—let’s sit this one out! “A business meeting was held in which the mem- bers decided to yive a pl. in the near future. Later the older girls their slips and played ball on the front lawn. an (Ohio) Republican, Wert, after all, it's the National Game. THE MASHER “Watere ya goin’, Joc?” “Over to th’ barber shop to try an’ pick up a date.” “L wap to fire an old employce today. I felt sorry but sentiment ain't got no place in busi- ness.” What is your business, may I ask?” “Oh, I manufacture all sorts of holiday and greeting cards.” PEEK-A-BOO Jenny (in department store): Oh, look at the pretty bathing suit. Evetyn: Where? I don't see it. Jenny: Oh, right over there behind that price tag. He who laughs last reads the Literary Digest. It is reported that a flapper bootlegger in Oregon was carrying moonshine in her bloom- ers, This ought to give someone a chance to re- vive that old joke about a kick in the pants! Sweer Sumacer Boarder: What kind of a cow is this—a Jersey? Fanater: No, miss, this is a Holstein. S. S. Bi: I see, And have you any of that new breed—the Acidophilus? Ovrtine of History: “When do we eat?” comicbooks.com