Life — February 1, 1929 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

RANT TNA 7 —< s AYN? Life 29 C Wanted, S$ *000,000 Drive 1-900,000.00 (Ed. Note: Three weeks ago, Qincy Qilq announced through these pages his intention of be- coming an eccentric millionaire. Accord- ing to his plan, Qilq is furnishing his own eccentricity. The mil- lion, he hopes, will be supplied by the generous public.) 800,000.00 -700,000.00 --600,00090 $00,000.00 $00,000.00 300,000.00 ) \ | \ 100,000.00 000.40 345.67 z Whenever a pub- lic-spirited gentleman comes forth with a project to better his Coffers! nation, he immedi- ately becomes the target of intolerant cranks. When I asked that one million people cach send me one dollar, I did so that I might become a philanthropist. Yet, twice during the past week, I have been publicly berated as one who is seeking to undermine the moral and ethical structure of the country I really intend to benefit. Oilg Drive Shows $1.61 in Our Thrives As Qilq Quashes Opposition The first bit of scandal arose when the Official Campaign Bicycle Horn grew into national prominence. You know the horn I am referring to. If you are reading this on a bicycle, you are probably facing one of these horns this very instant. When the bulb is squeezed, the Qilq Horn accomplishes two laudable purposes simultaneously. First. of all, it warns pedestrians of your coming, and saves them many a painful bruise. Secondly, its deep, full-throated blast is so appealing, that once you have heard the note, you will find yourself humming it constantly, both in your tub and out. This reminds all those within earshot to send in their dollar to the Qilq Chest. The distinctive tone of this horn is caused by the wind rushing over the loosely stretched bronchial membrane of an old male bullfrog, and it is because of this that the anti-vivisectionists have pounced upon my neck. In an open letter to the New York Times, the president of this organization openly accused me of wanton immorality, in my “wholesale murder of (Continued on page 30) The official title of the new Berlin women police officials is Polizeigefaeng- nisshauptnerwachterinnen. We are afraid that by the time a policewoman is called, a criminal would have a long start. For busy men and Abbott's Bitters, 9 de- Hghtful tonite and Sample bs mall, 23 cts 4 in i CW, Abbott & Co., Baltimore, Md. A young husband in a London court complained that his wife pelted him with china ornaments. Some people prefer to get rid of wedding presents in this man- ner instead of breaking them in cold blood. In a Pinch use ALLEN’S FOOT-EASE THE GAMBLER He was so crooked that when he tossed in his sleep he cheated himself—Dudblin Opinion. Terririep Butter: P-please, sir, the g-ghost of the old c-cook’s in the kitchen! Master: Splendid! Now’s your chance to get the recipe for that wonderful wine sauce of hers.”—Pearson’s. It keeps teeth white Everybody likes a winning smile! Suc cess and popularity always seem to fol- low, too! And it’s your teeth that make ormar your smile. Never let them grow dull—be proud to show them in your smile. Chew delicious Dentyne every day — it’s the gum that keeps teeth gleaming white. You'll love the flavor, and Dentyneis the highest quality chew- ing gum made today. Che and smile/ comicbooks.com