Life — March 29, 1929 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

& Greetings! By L. C. Beutel Elmer J. Twarck, typewriter-ciler for Greetings, Inc., pricked up his ears. In the adjoining Board room presi- dent A. W. O. L. Geeble was ad- dressing his board of directors. “The greeting card market, gentle- men, has reached the saturation point,” he heard Geeble say. “I mean that business is at a standstill. [ mean that sales have slumped. I mean, how are we going to stimulate business?” “My thought is, A. W. O. L.” (this was first vice-president T. Tertaughter speaking) “that the country needs to get more greeting-card-conscious.” My thought, too, T..” answered Geeble. “But hov I mean how?” “A few more holidays, A, W. O. This from B. B. Beebe, second vice- president. “My thought is to make peo- ple more holiday-conscious and conse- quently more greeting-card-conscious.” “We're over-holidayed already, sighed Geeble. able date’s taken and they're rationing out half-days now.” “Public school education's at the bot- tom of it, that’s my thought, gentle- men.” suggested Tertaughter. “Every child being taught to write, I mean, whether they need it or not. They write letters, and that hurts cards. Now if we could get Congress—” “Impracticable, T.,” interrupted Gee- ble. “The ink people, you know. Life Not to mention the eraser lobby, No— the industry is facing ruin.” There was a strained silence. But Elmer had heard enough and stepped into the Board room. “Gentlemen,” he began, “I am only a humble typewriter-oiler, but I can give you a thought that will solve the industry's problems. “My thought,” continued Elmer, “is that more cards are not sold because they lack intimacy. Intimacy! Sup. pose that a man has just been elected editor of The Saturday Evening Post. Will his close friends send him our ‘Congratulations, old man, on your great SUCCESS 1 knew you'd never stop at less’ number? Hardly. Because the senti- ment is too general. It lacks that per- sonal, intimate touch. But if we had a card that exactly covered this par- ticular situation? Say: ‘Now that The Saturday Evening Post clwards its highest berth To you, | know we soon will boast A bigger nickel’s worth!’ Would they send it?” He paused. “Say on, lad, say on!” urged Geeble. “A girl's fiance sends her a copy of Browne’s Urn Burial. What does she do now? She thanks him verbally, or still worse, writes him a personal let- ter. But if she knew there was a Browne’s-Urn-Burial-Acknowledgment, number at the nearest dealer's?” Short Stories of Life The Board sat up. Even Tertaugh- ter was impressed. “And if the busy traveler could, for ten cents, buy an I'm-Thinking-Of- You-Ella-Gurn number? And if the student knew we carried a Dear-Dad:- Please-send-$87.50-for-Books.-L 0 v ¢-to- Mother-and-Sister-Minnie-Y 0 u 1-5 0 n- Wilbur number? Would we sell them? “Gentlemen,” Elmer continued, pas- sionately, “it’s my thought that greet- ing cards have only scratched the sur- face of their possibilities. Intimacy is what they need. Intimacy! I can vis- ualize the day when no human emo- tion, no contingency, will be without its appropriate greeting card, ready to mail, And when that happy day comes, the industry will hear no more of extinction; it will then first know the real joy of service, of dedicating its all to a happier and a more inti- mate humanity. Do I say sooth?” “Sooth, indeed,” gasped Tertaughter. “The sooth, the whole sooth and noth- ing but the sooth.” He wrung Elmer's hand. The room was in an uproar. “Gentlemen!” shouted Geeble. “A new sun has risen on the horizon of the greeting card industry. I move—” “Second it,” Tertaughter shouted. “Aye!” yelled Beebe. “Carried, gentlemen,” said Geeble. “Carried that intimacy be the thought of our industry henceforth, and that the first in our new line be an em- bossed = To-Elmer-].-Twarck-on-becom- ing-eleventh-vice-president-of -Greet- ings,-Inc. number.” comicbooks.com