The Soldier's Wife — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

13 of a soldier’s life. Why, it’s like sailing through existence upon a river of rose-water, with only just the trouble of plucking the fruits that grow upon the bank, And consider, gentlemen, the glory of the thing! Why, this hand, gentlemen, which now holds this bakker-pipe, has done its work ; and though I say it, which shouldn’t say it, I have slain the ruthless foemen, gentlemen, that would have invaded our shores—would have marched into the peaceful village of Oak- leigh—would have pillaged your houses—carri- ed off your wives—devoured your substance—— and taken away everything you have in your shops. I, therefore, gentlemen—-humble an in- dividual as I am—by slaying with my own hand sixty-seven of your mortal enemies at Waterloo, ond disabling ninety-five more, contributed to the salvation of all your goods and chattels.” When we come to reflect of what might be the probable value of.the scrag of mutton at the butcher's, the cheese and blacking-bottles at the chandler’s, the pots of bear’s-grease at the tarber’s, and the rolls and gingerbread-nuts at the baker’s, it must certainly appear that if all that blood was shed just for the special protec- tion of the little village of Oakleigh, as the worthy sergeant sought to make it appear, the ~ cost of human life was considerably above that of the commodities thus saved from the ruthless hands ot an enemy bent on projects of invasion and piliage. But the village tradesmen, there and then assembled, did not pause to make any such calculations, but looked deeply grateful, the barber not excepted, for the services render- ed by the mighty arm of the heroic sergeant. “Talk of the hardships of a soldier’s life,” he went on to say,—“ let me tell some of its plea- sures What is there like seeing the world $ gentlemen, I have been in countries the beauties and the wonders of which you, perhaps, intelli- gent thoug! you all are, don’t dream of. Perhaps you have heard of the cow-tree, that has only to be tapped and it yields a delicious milk. Well, gentlemen, in that same island there’s another kind of tree which when tapped yields a beer just for all the world. like this ale that we are drinking now; and the beauty of it is, it doesn’t make you drunk, so that you may enjoy your- self as much as vou like. And now another thing, gentlemen, Of course you know that the Aldermen of the City of London are very fond © turtle-soup, and that it’s a great luxury ? Why, gentlemen, I have been in countries where the turtles are so numerous that the beach and the sea-shore are composed entirely of them in- stead of stones, and the whole regiment at last got so sick of turtle soup that they were com- pelled to eat parrots, and peacocks, and cocka- toos, and humming-birds by way of a change. That’s what I call living, gentlemen! Do you and who sees more of it than the soldier? Why THE SOLDIER'S WIFE. why he doesn’t blow himself out with any of these delicious fruits ? at which he will turn w his nose, make a horrid grimace, and tell 5 9u he is 80 surfeited with fruit that he would rather die than eat any more, Those are countries to live in, gentlemen !”—and the sergeant looked slowly round upon his amazed and delighted audience. “But, my dear sir/ pray permit me,” now in- terjected the barber: “ just one word——-” “TT know what you are gomy to say, my friend,” at once observed the sergeant; “ you are going to ask me about the fruits in other parts of the world? Perhaps you are all fond of cocoa- nats: but what you get in England are nothing compared to those you find abroad, They would be mere wood-nuts there. I have seen cocoa- nuts as large as the big drum of the regiment; and the kernel is all solid and comes out like an enormous Christmas plum-pudding, so that you cut out large slices and eat it. As for vegeta- bles, you never saw anything in England equal to the vegetables that grow in foreign countries, There’s the cabbage tree, for instance, all covered with beautiful summer-cabbages; and by a eu- rious dispensation of nature, the same country that produces these cabbage-trees, also abounds in the finest pigs, quite tame, and which by con- stantly bathing in the sea get a salt flavor—so that you have nothing to do but to kill a pig, cut off the part you fancy, then cut a cabbage from the trees, put it all into a pot, and in due time you have a delicious dinner of pickled pork and greens with not a farthing to pay. I don’t think you can beat this in England, gentlemer. ” There was a simultaneous shake of the head, as much as to say, “ We should think not :’—and the barber again endeavored to get a hearing, but could not quite succeed. “These little trifles I have been telling you, geutlemen,” resumed Sergeant Langley, “are just the recollections that come uppermost in my mind at the moment: but if seeing and en- Jeying such things as these, are hardships, then a soldier’s life ts a very hard one indeed. Do you know, friend landlord,” continued the sere geant, turning to old Bushell, * what first gave the idea of milk-punch in England? I will tell you. It’s that cow-tree I was speaking of just now. In very hot weather the milk in the upper branches all ferments and turns into aleohol: so that the spirit, mixing with the milk that keeps fresh in the trunk of the tree, make the most delicious milk-punch, you ever tasted, That does get up into your head—I believe you, it does! The first day my regime at landed in that island, we every one of us, from the colonel down to the drummer-boys, tapped the cow-trees; and it being 1 the height of the hot season, the trees all yielded milk-puch. So the whole regiment got blind drunk, and lay stretched upon the mean to tellme that any City Alderman can|ground for twelve hours, fast asleep, ‘ul the ef beat this? Well, but there’s another thing. Ij{fects wore off Of course there was no court: dare say you are all very fond of fine fruit ¢/martial, because we were all in the sane mess * Now, | have been in countries where the bedges | but it’s astonishing how soon we all gow well— are all grape-vines covered with the most | for close by there was a fountain, and when we luscious grapes; and all the trees by the road |came to drink, it proved to be the most delicious sides are actually breaking down with fruit,|soda-water we ever tasted in all our lives, The Well, perhaps you meet a beggar, and he tells | fact Was that the fountain gushed up trom the you he is starving. You ask him in wundail heart of a chalky svil, and the confined aw made — <€om Ebooks co