Adventure Magazine Cover — page 90: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

84 Them five arose up an yelped like a pack of wolves, but Scenery got ten dollars out of the bunch, and then we made ’em take front seats. 3 e hears some goshawful sounds coming up the stairs, and into the door comes Bill Thatcher. He’s got one of them Scotch wind-pipe instruments and it’s wailing like a lost soul. Behind him comes Frencliy Deschamps. Neither of ’em are in any shape to make music for anything except a dog-fight, but they flops down in their chairs at the front of the stage and acts like they meant business. _ Scenery recovers his sawed-off shotgun and sets down on the corner of the stage, where he can watch them disgrunted hus- bands. - Me and Dirty follows Magpie to a place he’s got partitioned off for a dressing-room. Through the curtain we can hear Yaller Rock County beginning to come in. Me and Dirty are just sober enough to kinda be indifferent to death or taxation. Magpie gives us our costumes, which con- sists of cowhide pants with a tail tied on, and a jigger made like a cap, with yearlin’- calf horns sticking out the side. He also gives us each a little whistle made of a willer. “‘Where’s the shirt?” asks Dirty. “Fauns don’t wear shirts.” “What do you wear, Magpie?” Magpie holds up a mountain-lion skin and a breech-clout. Dirty looks things over and then says to Magpie: “Tf you escape, Magpie, will yuh do me a favor? In my cabin—in a old trunk, is a suit of clothes. I paid sixteen dollars for it the year Bryan run for free silver, but I never wore it. Will yuh see that they lays me out in it? Lawd knows I don’t want to be buried in a outfit like this.” From outside we hears “Fog-horn” Fos- ter’s voice— “We-e-e-ll, come on, you mockin’-birds!” “The house must be full,”” opines Magpie, fastening his lionskin. “Full of hootch and ——”’ sighs Dirty, sliding into: his cow skins. “I’m goin’ to die like a cow, I know that.” “My gosh!” grunts Magpie. “I’ve plumb forgot we ain’t got no announcer since the judge quit. nouncin’?” “Then I won’t have to dance?” “Sure you'll have to dance, but—all ike, will you do the an-_ Adventure you’ve got to do, Ike, is to tell ’em what is comin’ next. The first thing on the program is a solo dance, which is knowed as “The Gatherin’ Storm,’ by Mrs. Smith; and then she gets assisted by the five ‘Raindrops,’ consistin’ of Mrs. Holt, Mrs. Tilton, Mrs. Steele, Mrs. Gonyer and Mrs. Wheeler. Mrs. Smith is doin’ the solo in place of the departed champeen dancer of the world. Will yuh do this for me, Ike?” “Do it for Magpie,” urges Dirty. anythin’ to get it over.” “No » I WENT on to the stage, and I got the shock of my life. Them females are out there, and I’m a danged liar if they ain’t undressed about as much as possible. I takes one look and staggers for a = <2 SS ee the curtain. I hears one of them women . bust out in a “haw! haw!” as I went past, but I never stopped to think that I wasn’t wearing any more than the law allows. I steps out through the curtain and looks around. Never did the old hall hold as many folks. Fog-horn Foster and Half-Mile Smith are settin’ in the front row, across the aisle from each other. They stares at me for a moment; then both gets up like they was walking in their sleep, steps for the aisle and bumps together. Fog-horn hit Half-Mile and Half-Mile hit the floor, after which Fog-Horn went right on up the aisle. Half-Mile got up, looks at me again, and follers Fog-Horn, but he ain’t tryin’ to catch Fog-Horn—he’s tryin’ to go past him. “My ” gasps “Cinch” Culler, lookin’ wild-like around. ‘“Won’t somebody please hold me? - I won’t be responsible——”’ “Ladies and gents,” says I. “I’m out here to let yuh know what’s comin’ off.” _ “Wait a minute,” says Abe Mudgett, standing up. “I’ve got my two sisters here - with me, and if anything more’s comin’ og eee “Set down!” squeaks Scenery, waving his shot-gun at Abe, and Abe sets down. “Now,” says I, “I’m out here to announce that the first thing on the program is Mrs. Smith. She’s goin’ to imitate a storm com- in’ up, and then Mrs. Holt, Mrs. Tilton, Mrs. Wheeler, Mrs. Steele and Mrs. Gonyer are goin’ to show yuh what raindrops look like. This here——” “Haw! Haw! Haw!’ roars Pete Gonyer, but his laugh don’t show that he’s tickled so awiul much. GOMmiIGdoOoO (E@)