Argosy All-Story Weekly, October 6, 1923 — page 93: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE HEAD CHOPPER. “Gawd knows I needs a cheap suit. 9 said. I’m mighty nigh down to my las’ rag. “ Brudders, 1 been thinkin’ ’bout how our clothes oughter look,” the reverend Vinegar Atts, president of the lodge, re- marked. ‘I suggests dat we ordah white pants, a veller vest, an’ a light blue coat wid a red collar!”’ “Naw! My good gawsh, naw!” Pap Curtain howled, springing to his feet. “ Dat’ll make us look like Affikin noodle birds. I wants a suit I kin wear eve’y day ’thout lookin’ like de lightning got drunk an’ struck de rainbow! TI needs reg’ler clothes!” ‘“‘ Me, too!” Shin Bone squeaked. “‘ Dem sky-muckle-dun-cullud clothes is all right when us is feelin’ rich an’ wants to monkey aroun’, but hard times is done come back in style an’ us po’ niggers is mighty nigh rejuiced to dem fig leafs in de Gyarden of Edom.” “Le’s all git us a decent black suit,” Mustard Prophet proposed sensibly. “ How would us all look gwine to a lodge brudder’s fun’ral wid white pants, a yeller vest, an’ blue coat wid a red collar? Us don’t want to look no bigger monkey dan we is nachel-bawned.” ‘“‘ Dat’s de notion,” Skeeter Butts ap- plauded. ‘‘ You black niggers put on a black suit an’ come out on a black night to de Nights of Darkness lodge, an’ ef you shets yo’ eyes, a high-yaller cullud coon like me cain’t see you! You jes’ look like a blacked black spot in de black blackness. Den us will eleck a gran’ exalted bootblack to black all our boots black—”’ ‘“ Looky here, Skeeter Butts!” Vinegar Atts bawled in irate tones. ‘ Us is got enough of yo’ high-brow biggety talk. De nex’ time you busts into de reg-lar bizzness of dis lodge, I’ll app’int a gran’ exalted eye- black to black vo’ two black eyes an’ make em a little biacker.”’ “Eve’body wants to black somebody! I moves dat black be our color!”’ Figger Bush barked. The motion was carried with a whoop. ‘“ Now, brudders, I ax you-alls fer yo’ name an’ two dollars per each,” Jim Golly announced. “ Us got to send a little ad- vamce payment as evidence of good faith.” 875 One hundred men marched up and cov- ered the table top with small coins. Money was scarce with all of them and the few dimes and nickels that came up from the depths of cavernous pockets were eloquent of poverty and need. Laboriously they counted; slowly their count was verified. Then they gave their names and went back to their seats. ‘* Now, brudders, I got to know de meas- ure of yo’ size, so dese black suits will fit,” Jim announced. ‘Ef you got to measure all of us, it ’Il take a year,” Skeeter Butts wailed, for- getful of the president’s black threats if again he broke silence. ‘‘ Excusin’ dat, you cain’t measure de revun Vinegar Atts. He’s too durn fat—you got to survey him.” ‘You all wears han’-me-down clothes, Golly replied. ‘ Jes’ gimme de figgers dat you always ax fer in de sto’, an’ us will make de alterations when de suits come— I’m a dandy tailor myse’f.” After considerable annoyance and delay, this detail was finished and the task of the evening was over for Jim Golly. He was feeling fine. Two hundred dollars was lying on the table before him and his fingers itched for the possession of it. Then he got the surprise of his life. Pap Curtain arose and stepped out to the middle of the floor. Facing the president of the lodge, Pap placed his left hand, palm inward, upon the center of his forehead, then placed his right hand, palm outward, on top of the left. , In response, Vinegar Atts arose, and stretched out both arms wide from the shoulder and flapped them like a fat goose trying to fly. Then Pap Curtain exclaimed in dramatic tones: | ‘* Exalted presidunt, I calls for de gran’ exalted Head Chopper.” Instantly, Hitch Diamond arose and walked into an anteroom. A moment later he appeared, carrying an old-fashioned bat- tle-ax. The handle was six feet long, with an iron-ridged handpiece, reinforced by a leather wristband to keep it from slipping from the warrior’s hand. The curved blade, the crescent a foot and a half long, was as sharp as a razor, and beyond the blade comiclboooks (©