Argosy All-Story Weekly, January 21, 1922 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

22 “‘ Say, I guess none of us ever got our hands up quicker in the whole course of our lives—sort of a reflex action, if you know what I mean, sir. Our hands shot up an’ stayed up. “The leader looks over the logs an’ stones blockin’ the road approvingly. ‘It’s very decent of you gentlemen to save us the trouble,’ he remarks while the other two is tyin’ us up an’ gaggin’ us. ‘ But youre too young to embark on a life of crime, so just lie there at the side of the road like good little boys an’ we'll show you how it had ought to be did. An’ we won't charge you nothin’ neither, except these here few paltry waluables which we has re- relieved from your person.’ “Well, of outside the fack that we lost our personal belongin’s, which wuzn’t much, anyway, the situation could ’a’ been worse. Windy wuz goin’ to git his hold-up, all right, but it wuz goin’ to be the real thing, an’ not no dress rehearsal. We wuz pretty well tied up, an’ gagged, but managed to inch up to the bushes where we could see the whole show an’ not be.seen none our- selves whatever. “ Pretty soon along comes Windy wit’ his bus hittin’ on all six. The highwaymen jumps out on the road, one on each side to handle the driver, an’ one in back to take care of the passengers. He sees them an’ the barricade acrost the road, an’ jams on his brakes hard, stoppin’ right in front of the obstruction. ‘“‘ Right there is where trouble begins— an’ I must say that in all my time I ain’t never yet seen anything human as quick as that there Windy. He seems to slump down in his seat, for some reason or other; prob’ly scared, the robbers figure, I guess. They jumps on the runnin’ board to see what’s the matter wit’ him, an’ Windy’s foot comes up so quick I could hardly see it. That brogan catches one of the high- waymen right at the side of the jaw an’ lays him out for ten minutes. He drops like a log. “The other one is about to shoot, but he ain’t quick enough, I'll tell the woild. Windy’s hand—wit’ a heavy monkey wrench at the end of it—catches him right on the bean, an’ the subsequent proceed- ARGOSY-ALLSTORY WEEKLY. ings don’t interest him none for a good long time. Seeing somethin’ is bein’ pulled off in front that he don’t know nothin’ about, the third hold-up man springs for the front end of the bus without stoppin’ to think, I guess. “Anyway, he doesn’t git no further chance to think, because Windy is all over him in an instant, battin’ him on the bean wit? his wrench an’ takin’ his gun away from him, all the while insultin’ him some- thin’ scandalous. — “The passengers piled out by this time, an’ they tie up these here so-called bandits, clear the road, an’ Windy drives into town an’ delivers them at the calaboose all in regular form. Say, does that bird own the town? I'll say he does! MHe’s a hero yet. The town gets up a purse for him, an’ the newspaper gives him a send-off that would make Pershing himself proud. The com- pany gives him a reward an’ raises his wages, an’ as for Delia, why, she simply goes crazy over him. “Say, it does beat all, don’t it, how every wunst in a while some one steps up an’ hands old lady psychology a neat but not gaudy jolt in the bread basket. That there Windy wuz all doped out to be as yellow as they make ’em—an’ what hap- pens? Nothin’, except that he becomes a hero, an’ I have a hell of a chance wit’ Delia now. . ‘An’ at that, it ain’t so bad as it might ’a’ been,” he continued dryly. “ Them there bandits got one gosh-awful maulin’. Why, jest suppose it had ’a’ really been us—” 4 “‘ That’s just who I thought it was,” said a voice at the window behind us. We turned. , It was Windy himself, looking up at us languidly. “You see,” he said, “I knew all about the plot—I heard the three of you gettin’ it up. Otherwise—”’ We were all silent for a moment. “But I guess we won’t none of us say anything about it, will we?” he said finally. “I wouldn’t if I were you.” He looked significantly at Six. ‘“M-m-m!” said Six. ‘“ You're right, as usual. Have a cigaret.” comicloool C©