Life, 1928-12-21 · page 28 of 36
Life — December 21, 1928 — page 28: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a humor anthology page collecting absurd newspaper items and jokes from contemporary sources. The left side features "Pedestrian's Logic"—four cartoon vignettes mocking traffic accidents and automobile chaos, with captions like "Sabotage!" and "Bruiser!" satirizing dangerous driving. The center and right contain reprinted newspaper clippings and brief jokes highlighting editorial absurdities: - **"1492: If Time Had Reported It"** parodies sensationalist journalism by reimagining Columbus's voyage in modern newspaper style - **"A Dissatisfied Customer"** quotes a jailed man complaining about jail conditions to his son-in-law - Various one-liners mock human foolishness: a woman praising Chicago for murders she witnessed; a man puzzled by a woman's "mental attractiveness"; an absurd cookbook for ostriches The large bottom illustration shows a crowd at a greyhound racing venue—the final joke involves someone suggesting donations to "the dogs' home" after a bad evening gambling. The page's satire targets human irrationality, media sensationalism, and newspaper culture itself.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“Aut Scissors aut Nullus” 1492: IF TIME HAD REPORTED IT Spain's Columbus, rough but honest, pleaded, argued, implored that world is round.® Queenly Isabella, eager for conquest, pawned jewels. With surly convicts throwing out the white sails, Exphorer Columbus scuttled out into blue night. Three montas later, land notched the grey horizon. Explorer Columbus landed, swore with grim satisfaction, made faces at the natives. Said the stocky navigator: “I told you so.” Witty Indians pouted, smirked, bit their nails knowingly. “Time, February 14, 1493. —Stanford Chaparral. Malaise A DISSATISFIED CUSTOMER “No, Yorick, no, I'll have the smelling sali! A certain high-tempered and none-too-cultured I'm hardly up to snuff this morni man had a fight with a neighbor and was placed —Virctia Ree. in an Indiana county jail, charged with assault and battery. Lacking money, he sent the follow- ing note, after several days, to his son-in-law: “I want you to see Henry and some of my other friends around there and try to arrange }a bond to get me out of jail. I am not a bit satisfied here.""—Indianapolis News. THE TOWN MOUSE We heard all about the wonders of a great city Sunday. “Why, I wouldn't live any other place but Chicago," said our lady informer. “Why, just think, I've seen three people killed there in the last few months.” —Hutchinson (Kan.) Herald. “I mmunx she's very attractive physically; how is she mentally?” “Can't say—never met her mentally.”* —Texas Ranger. In the Ostrich Country “For Satr—One edition of the Arabian | og -book! ‘ i five art photos, and one silver quart flask. x] “What @ jolly cook-book! ‘Omelette for two in the Columbia Spectator. prrsons—Take six eggs... Ir sounds very complete.—New Yorker. —Butx Humor (Maoaip). “Officer, how can I get to the automobile show?” —Le Canano Exciaine’ (Paris) HIS TEN BEST GIRLS | A Kansas City young man has been pretty | busy lately, trying to decide what ten girls he'd | take along if he were sentenced to spend the | rest of his life on a desert island. —Kansas City Star. THE EROTIC LINOTYPE | From a Des Moines newspaper: Petar bacdiooar yeti ae a, City, Wedaeeday WELL-MEANING Oto Lapy (to sport-follower who has had a bad evening at the greyhound racts): his wifezzzjdgwihwmyxETAOI Would you like to contribute something to the dogs’ home, sir? 5 —Buffalo Courier-Express. = —Sporrinc ano Dramatic News (LoND0%)- comicbooks.com