The Mysteries of London; or, Lights and Shadows of London Life — page 117: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ES ee a | ———— ou“ SS ee —- =" = = = _ & LIGHTS | AND SHADOWS OF. LONDON 1 LIFE pete in consequence, Thornton was diverted by a quiet t from his companion to follow him; and the las out of the concert-room, they were met on e by Mr. Winkins, the comic singer who had revelled in his maternal enthusiasm, and who, having welcomed Bob Chuckers with a hearty shake ips bend. proceeded, on the strength of his friend’s on likewise. “Done for to-night, thank goodness,” said the who was a thin spare man, with very of the humorous qualities he was So ae ; “all as flat as possible inside, an’t | hit ’em precious hard before you et a laugh out of them; but let me see,” he 1 with a sort of wavering ao B » whether he was right in his conjecture, “ wanted to be a visitor this evening to the Jolly Jack. daws, did’nt you? Well, the club is just now in its prime, so we'll have a quiet drain at the bar below and be off at once.” Without more ceremony Mr. Winkins descended to the bar, and having patronised the house by calling for a qua of “the milky way,” which astrono- cal phrase was understood to be the comic singer’s private mode of designating the juice of the juniper, he received a small sum in silver, screwed up in a torn playbill, as a reward for his professional services during the evening, and thrusting his arms within the crooked elbows of his companions, he knitted himself firmly to them, and led them out into the open street. The public-house which the “‘Jolly Jackdaws ” honoured with their attendance was but a short dis- tance off, and when they reached it after a compli- cated passage various courts, it was found to be a tavern of humble and moderate pretensions, but; as it afterwards appeared, held in very great repute as a place of nightly resort for the minor theatrical fraternity that constituted its chief frequenters. Passing through a short narrow lobby, the atmo- » of which was i eee with a strong | of beer beer and spirits, Mr. Winkins pushed 1 a side-door at 5 end, and then beckoned Oletiins and Thornton, who, having made way into the interior of the small parlour to ich it belonged, found themselves enveloped in a dense cloud of tobacco-smoke, created by the vigor- aie ease pipes of the “ Jolly Jackdaws” who were nbled in full conclave. m mooted at an earlier period of the and then under discussion, bore reference to tlie present etate of the mimic art—a question which, Owing to the company comprising any Who aaiéted in some minor capacity about the theatres, was enlivened by numerous anecdotes and illustrative of the point at issue. Besides a real actor or two out of an engagement, and a sprinkling of “utility” people, who, according to their own showing, ought to have been leading carrying on banners and delivering messages through managerial tyranny, there was that generally invisible thé matt who opens the pit-doors, and whe now appeared palpably corpulent; whilst the rest of the company consiste1 of lawyers’.clerks, with a dash of amateur enthusiasm about them; and some smalj tradesmen from the neighbourhood, who were the patrons of the dramatic art, and who did not disdain to take benefit-tickets from the humblest among its x) itt li a Ce — ee mee “The fact is,” continued the speaker, who had been a check-taker, and who took up the thread of his argument as soon as the slight interruption cansed by the entrance of the visitora had abated—“ the fact is the whole debate hinges upon a mere question on noses,”” “ Noses!” echoed some of his hearers, doubtingly, not -_ sure that they had caught the word cor- rectly. “ Yes,” resumed the orator, with the confidence of one who had a right to be considered as an authority ; **I maintain that the nose is intimately connected with the prosperity of the drama; and I believe I may take credit to myself as being the first to make that im- portant “ Explain!” cried two or three at once. ** Well, I have given the subject considerable atten- tion, as you will see,” said the ex-check-taker; and it ic, moreover, my firm conviction that I am right. If any person wishes to judge for himself, let him go into the pit of a theatre on a crowded night, and fire his eye straight down the row in which he happens to be seated; and then, if he don’t become a convert to my theory, l’m a Dutchman! T’jl tell you what I’ve done. - I have been to two theatres on the same even- ing—one at the west-end and one at the east-end— and from a hundred noses that I have taken promis- cuously from one row in the pit of each, I have been able to draw out a regular statistical table, which I will read, if you will permit me, for the edification of the club.” With this he pulled forth from his waistcoat pocket a small slip of paper, and, referring to its contents, he exhibited the following curiously classified list to their inspection :— WEST-END AUDIENCE. RAST-END AUDIENCE. Pug-noses * #888 were ee 2 Pug-noses eee ee oe ee ee 25 Grecian ee eet * ee ee ee we 6 Grecian ee ee ee ee ** 0 caine: GER OEE ee 8 Turn-up... ° . 5 ees o 0 Hooked ee ee FP oe ee ee ee 68 ee ** +e we F® et eae 3 Askew ee ee ee beste ee ee l Buttoned eeeee **® sees | Buttoned eet ew eereee i Roman ete+eeeee*- ae 80 Roman eee 2 ** *# ga te 0 Titel ooca'sa be 100 Total sees etre 100 “ Now, then,” continued he, “we find from this table of statistical authority that the Roman nose is always scenting out the more refined and intellectual order of dramatic entertainments, whilst the hooked and the pugged are intent only upon its monstrosities, In my opinion there arises from this a curious physio- logical problem. The shape of the nose has long been held symbolical of the conformation of the brain, and therefore may be naturally regarded as the index to the mind, whilst the mere face is but the frontispiece, or table of contents. Now, though to take a man by the nose, in a physical sense, is confessedly to insult him, we should invariably take a man by the nose metaphysically to judgeof his moral character. What, then, is the palpable restorative of the palmy days of the British drama? What is the grand secret by which we may revive the times of Garrick and of Kemble? The statistics I have given triumpbantly answer the question, The number of adherents to the highest interests of the drama is manifestly propor- tionate to the number of Roman noses, Multiply the latter, and you increase the former. The effect will be commensurate with the cause, and the bridge that we ought to praise for carrying us safely over will be found unquestionably one of nasal origin. The mode to be adopted, whether by importation or by increasing the supply at home, I shall leave to the further re- oMilGbooks (E()